Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Welp. I may or may not have officially given up hope, y’all.
Specifically on education, I mean, but also on a lot of other things.
I found out today that one of my references has been giving me a bad report. For the last two years. Two. Years. So, on the plus side, me feeling like I’d been black-balled or like there was a kind of dark cloud hanging over me all this time? Turns out it’s true and I’m not just crazy.
I tried to delete the reference from all my applications, but it won't let me. So I tried to delete all my district applications and just start over, and I can’t. Some stupid message just keeps popping up saying I’m already in their system whenever I try to create a new account. Perfect.
I never really wanted to be a teacher anyway.
Right?
How long will I have to keep telling myself that until I feel like it’s true?
I know a bad reference doesn’t sound like the end of the world. Perhaps it sounds like I’m being overly dramatic, making a mountain out of a molehill and all that nonsense. But you don’t understand – when over four hundred people apply for one position in a matter of hours, that bad reference makes all the difference in the world. It’s all it takes to knock me completely out of the running.
It’s no wonder I’ve never even had a call, let alone an interview.
I’m not qualified for anything else. I don’t have any skills, any special talents. All I have is a bad reference and absolutely zero willpower to pull myself out of the all-consuming depression that’s already washing over me.
Cute, right?
8 comments:
Shit, that sucks. I'm sorry! My advice: don't give up. It seems as though you really love teaching, and you need to go for it. I bet there is a way to delete the reference. And I'm sure you'll figure it out. Hope that helps... I know you feel stuck, so please let me know if you need anything!
Xox
Oh my gosh! That is ridiculous! How did you find out?! You know you want to be a teacher. Is there another school district near by you can start applying in? Or do y'all have private schools there? You may have to start at a not-so awesome private school and just build references and experience. That's what my friend is doing. There are no jobs in our school disctrict bcz its amazing and a bubble and they hire their friends so she drives 30 min everyday to a tiny little private school that has no money. but she will at least be able to say she has been a teacher for 2 yrs when she starts applying...
sorry that was long :)
Hey girl. I know it's been forever since we've even talked, but I wanted to send some encouragement your way. I was in the exact same boat you are. I got that degree as an "Aggie Teacher" and thought I'd have no problem getting a job. I was completely wrong. It took a year of changing diapers at a daycare (because it was the only job I could get) before I realized that I needed to be open to other options; I now love my career outside of the teaching world, but it didn't happen over night. That was just me though. For what it's worth, based on everything I've read/stalked on your blog (creepy?) I think you have everything it takes to be a kick ass teacher, and if you keep your head up, and keep trying, someone, some school, is going to see that in you too. Forget that crappy refrence, what do they know anyway? Praying you find peace and the path of least resistence to your dream.
Oh my gosh, I can't believe your references would talk badly about you. First, because you rock. And second, because they agreed to be your reference! They should just ask you to remove them if they are lame like that.
I am sorry, that really does stink. If I were you, I'd call the district for help changing your information. There shouldn't be any reason why you can't...
Oh no! that's terrible! How did you find out they were giving you negative comments? Maybe you could talk to that person?
They should not have agreed to be a reference if they were not prepared to recommend you. They should have told you that from the start. It sounds very unprofessional on their end.
I wonder if you could talk to an actual human being at the school district and find out how to re-apply because you have new references (you wouldn't have to get into the reasons for this). It would probably take some work but you might eventually be led to the right answer. Good luck--that's a totally crappy situation to be in.
I'm so sorry someone is giving out a bad reference for you. Knowing you that doesn't even sound possible. Why anyone would agree to reference you and subsequently give you a bad reference is beyond me. That's just unprofessional and completely out of line. Going out of one's own way to give you a bad reference when it was easier to just say no is such, well, shocking. Keep your head up, lovebug, things work out in the end always. You have so much to offer to students and there has to be a way around changing your references so no one has to roadblock you anymore. And I sooo believe in karma so no worries about him/her. Life has its struggles and you grow stronger from them. Sending lots of positive thoughts and lots of hugs your way!!
i just wanna say that, there is no way in hell i believe you aren't qualified for anything else. also? dude, what the fuck is wrong with your reviewer?! what a shitty person!
you will rise above this and succeed, and then you will go back to that asshole and, romcom style, shove a pie in his/her face. dickhead.
GOOOOOO YOU!!
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