or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness

I like to be real so I'll say it hasn't been a great past several days. And I have a ton of hard ones ahead of me as it stands right now. Sometimes people need breaks. Sometimes people need break-ups.

Gah, I hate adult problems.

But once upon a time, years ago, Mitch and I were tipsy and he played Ray LaMontagne's Hold You In My Arms on his iPod. We wore headphones. We slow danced. And swaying back & forth in the dark, I knew we were falling in love.

We're still in love.

But people change. People struggle. People regress. And like I said, sometimes people need breaks, need break-ups.

I hope for a brighter tomorrow, and I know that with God people can progress. People don't have to struggle. And people change, but in a great way. It may be hard to see the good through the grief, but here's to trusting God with my life, love, and happiness.

In the meantime I can be found on my couch, eating an entire bag of mini Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

here's to friends in need and friends indeed

Just a little Ray to start my Thursday off the way I like it: slow and sweet.

if it's a friend you need, let it be me


PS: I just realized that this past Tuesday was my one year blogiversary. Yay! Happy birthday, little blog! Who knew when I started you just to cope with the misery of being an accounts receivable coordinator for a TRUCKING COMPANY (where at times every single person in my office left early for the day to go skeet shooting...ahhhh, first grown-up jobs...) that you'd become such a lovely part of my life. :)

with my mouth so full of questions

I've been wrestling with God lately.

And by lately I mean months and months and months.

See, I like to do things my own way. I like to be in control. It'll come as no surprise then that relinquishing said control is not an easy thing for me to do. Even though I don't make the best decisions, I still can't seem to trust that He'll do a better job. Even typing this now, I don't trust Him. I don't even trust myself. How sad is that?

Yes, I am a constant work in progress.

I mentioned yesterday that I've been going through a particularly difficult time over the past week. And while I feel my anxiety level has lowered the teensiest of bits, I know I'm not out of the woods. Anyway, I found myself reading the lyrics to Ray LaMontagne's "Hold You In My Arms," purely by chance. I know the song, sure, but as I sat here reading the words, it hit me: holy shit, this is exactly what I needed to see. My eyes welled up and I fought back tears as I thought to myself, "Okay, God, I can maybe kind of see that you're trying to get through to me here. Maybe. Kind of."

I don't profess to be a big believer in signs, but I know I'm always subconsciously looking out for them. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I need it to be. Maybe I need to take this to heart and, metaphorically, let myself fall into His arms. I hear that's the safest place to be.

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears,

It was easy to see you'd been crying

Seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe reigns

But who really profits from the dying?

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you in my arms forever

When you kiss my lips with my mouth so full of questions,

It's my worried mind that you quiet

Place your hands on my face,

Close my eyes and say, "Love is a poor man's food, don't prophesy"

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold on forever

I could hold you in my arms

I could you in my arms forever

So now we see how it is

This fist begets the spear

Weapons of war, symptoms of madness

Don't let your eyes refuse to see

Don't let your ears refuse to hear

Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness

Powerful, that's all I have to say.