goals

As I drove to work this morning, I listened to Explosions in the Sky's The Only Moment We Were Alone (side note: I so want to walk down the aisle to this song when I get married -- Mitchell, you have been informed), hoping that by listening to beautiful music I'd start to de-stress.

I have been having a hell of a week.

To be honest, I don't want to get into it. The only thing you need to know is I've been stressed, more stressed that I've ever been in my life, and definitely more stressed than I ever hope to be again. Anxiety attacks have become a daily norm (not cool, omg) and it's really starting to take a toll on me, my mind, my body, etc. The worst part about it is I don't know what to do to stop it. I can't just take my mind of it and I can't find a way to distract myself. It's horrible in a confused, lost, sleepless, miserable kind of way. Cute, right?

Anyway, as I was saying, this morning on my way to a shoot, I spent the entire drive listening to Explosions, which always seems to take me somewhere beautiful, and I decided to make a goals list (thanks, iPhone, for your Notes feature). I wrote them in no particular order, just as they happened to pop into my head and, even though my list of goals has nothing to do with my pesky little near-heart-attack-inducing problem, it made me smile. It just felt nice. :)

• See Explosions in the Sky live (in Austin or elsewhere)
• Backpack across Europe (Mitch and I have already decided that if/when we get married, this is what we'll do for our honeymoon)
• Start a family tradition
• Work in/at a job I love
• Join the Junior League (in progress)
• Live in another state
• Throw someone a surprise party
• Write for pleasure
• Name a dog "Duncan"
• Learn to make chicken fried steak (as delicious as my grandmother's)
• Roadtrip across (at least part of) America
• Read more books by Kurt Vonnegut
• Let GOD be my source of calm & peace (yikes, this one seems too tough)

when the world has fallen out from under me, i'll be found in You, still standing.

(source)