goals

As I drove to work this morning, I listened to Explosions in the Sky's The Only Moment We Were Alone (side note: I so want to walk down the aisle to this song when I get married -- Mitchell, you have been informed), hoping that by listening to beautiful music I'd start to de-stress.

I have been having a hell of a week.

To be honest, I don't want to get into it. The only thing you need to know is I've been stressed, more stressed that I've ever been in my life, and definitely more stressed than I ever hope to be again. Anxiety attacks have become a daily norm (not cool, omg) and it's really starting to take a toll on me, my mind, my body, etc. The worst part about it is I don't know what to do to stop it. I can't just take my mind of it and I can't find a way to distract myself. It's horrible in a confused, lost, sleepless, miserable kind of way. Cute, right?

Anyway, as I was saying, this morning on my way to a shoot, I spent the entire drive listening to Explosions, which always seems to take me somewhere beautiful, and I decided to make a goals list (thanks, iPhone, for your Notes feature). I wrote them in no particular order, just as they happened to pop into my head and, even though my list of goals has nothing to do with my pesky little near-heart-attack-inducing problem, it made me smile. It just felt nice. :)

• See Explosions in the Sky live (in Austin or elsewhere)
• Backpack across Europe (Mitch and I have already decided that if/when we get married, this is what we'll do for our honeymoon)
• Start a family tradition
• Work in/at a job I love
• Join the Junior League (in progress)
• Live in another state
• Throw someone a surprise party
• Write for pleasure
• Name a dog "Duncan"
• Learn to make chicken fried steak (as delicious as my grandmother's)
• Roadtrip across (at least part of) America
• Read more books by Kurt Vonnegut
• Let GOD be my source of calm & peace (yikes, this one seems too tough)

when the world has fallen out from under me, i'll be found in You, still standing.

(source)

weekend.

Is it really Monday already?

I fully expected this weekend to dull me to tears, but it ended up flying by! Gotta love that. Saturday night my friend Kelsey and I ended up having an impromptu slumber party at my house, complete with my dog, Clark Kent, and her too-cute-for-words puppy, Hazel. Needless to say, Clark and Hazel are totes besties and played for hours, which made us very happy. I haven't had a slumber party in I don't even know how long, so it was fun to have some girl time with my sweet friend complete with Mad Dog (Kelsey's first MD 20/20 experience, holla!), Now & Then, and silly wedding talk, obvi.

The next day, Hazel was hungover from all the wrestling fun, as evidenced by this picture Kelsey texted to me:


Tuckered the hell out.

Oh, and Mitch shot a deer (while off hunting with our dads). Yay!

I have worked very hard to be proud of this, ie. not cry for the deer. And, yes, Mitch looks stylin' with his athletic shorts and mountain man beard.

On Sunday I ended up driving out to Forney for Mitch's little sister Morgan's senior pictures (basically this was a female-filled weekend). Morgan is 17, graduating in May (and then heading off to Texas State!), and a bit of a brat, but I love her. Mary (Mitch's mom) and I spent four hours following Morgan and the photographer around, making funny (me) and encouraging (Mary) comments. It was really fun for me to play assistant during the shoot since, duh, that's what I do for a living (I use the phrase "for a living" loosely). I'm excellent at fixing bangs, bra straps, and necklace clasps. Go me.

Fedora. I actually really like this one.

Wowww, WORK IT, Morgan.

As I've already said on Facebook, you are straight thuggin' in that mink.

Morgan is beautiful, no?

I vote she uses these for her grad announcements (for obvious reasons, haaa).

I know I've mentioned before Morgan and I's tentative BFFship, but I think it's safe to say we've once again shared a bonding experience. To commemorate the occasion (and make her feel uncomfortable), I bought us matching necklaces. HA. Mine has the letter M stamped on it, and Morgan's has the letter A. We were cute and wore them all yesterday evening. :) She loves it. I hope.

Annnnnd because I'm not very good at concluding blog posts...I'll just say everyone have a great week! :)

what's my name? (not again)

i just really love this picture of us for some reason :)
...
hey, boy, i really wanna see
if you can go downtown with a girl like me
hey, boy, i really wanna be
with you 'cause you're just my type
oh nah nah nah nah
i need a boy to take it over,
looking for a guy to put in work
ohhhhhhhhhhhohhhhhhhhhhh

baby, you got me
and [there] ain't nowhere i'd [rather] be
than with your arms around me
back & forth you rock me
so i surrender to every word you whisper
every door you enter, i'll let you in

you're so amazing
you took the time to figure me out
that's why you take me way past the point of turning me on
you're about to break me
i swear, you've got me losing my mind :)

I love it when I hear a new song that hits me at just the right moment. I'm home alone this weekend and the quiet of this big house is already getting to me, so I left for a drive a few minutes ago. I just needed to get out, go somewhere, do something, even for just a second. Anyway, this (new?) song by Rihanna featuring Drake, What's My Name?, came on the radio and I fell in love. Something about it just moves me. Isn't that the most fantastic thing about music? It's ability to shake our core?

Mitch Baker, I hope you are having a great time hunting with my dad this weekend, but I miss you. Every day I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I feel so lucky to just know and be known by you. I know it's silly to think of you while jamming to Rihanna and Drake, but what can I say? I think about you all the time.

Happy Friday and happy weekend! :)

regarding unemployment

Today was the most holy-shit-I'm-unemployed day ever.

It's been nearly a year since I graduated (oh my GOD, let's not even dwell on how far I have not come), I'm (mostly) unemployed, and today exhaling was the most stressful activity in which I engaged. I didn't realize how sad it was until I noticed it was 4:30 in the afternoon and I was drinking a beer while watching Gilmore Girls. In my pajamas. The pajamas I also wore all day yesterday. I think it goes without saying I hadn't showered.

Seriously, Universe? This is my life?

Well, all right.

Yesterday was one of those rough days, the kind of day where hopelessness and depression sneak up on you, club you over the head and drag you far, far away into a dark cave where all you can do is cry and feel sorry for yourself. But at some point last night I reached a point where I knew I had to just kind of accept my life for what it is at the moment. And it seems funny to say but I feel like there'll be a day where I miss this place I'm in, the lack of real responsibilities (comparatively), 6am alarms, and the ablily to go two whole days in sweatpants (without being fired). This is probably the most freedom I'll ever have, so...embrace it.

That's not say I aim to stay here forever.

Duh.

Although at this point it doesn't really seem to matter what my aims are, but let's not go down that road...

My point is, yea, today was pretty pathetic. And, yea, I didn't seem like much of an adult spending my afternoon crying during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition instead of working. And, yea, I have absolutely no idea when or how my life will change (ie. when the world will stop kicking me in the metaphorical nuts). But I have a place to sleep, clothes to wear, food to eat, and, whatthefuckever, I got to drink a beer at 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon. Things can't be too terrible.

In other (somewhat-relateable) news, I think Ziegen Bock Amber is rapidly becoming my favorite beer. Sorry, Tecate. You'll always have a place in my heart.

mishmash: november

In the spirit of echoing everyone else in the world, it's November!

Can you even believe it?

There's something always strangely exciting about starting a new month; perhaps it's the thought of a new beginning, the possibility of a fresh start. Whatever it is, it's already put a spring in my step.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I ordered these earrings from an Etsy shop called Milk Money. They arrived early last week and, yes, they are perfect! I thought about taking a picture of them on my ear(s?) but, to be frank, was too lazy. Anyway, they look just as lovely in person as they did in the picture and I am beyond pleased. Seriously, Milk Money is a ridiculously fabulous little shop. This was my second time ordering from Bethany, the creator, and she was sweet enough to give me a 15% off discount for being a repeat customer. Yes! Even without such a thoughtful gesture, Bethany genuinely seems (from the little information shared via her Etsy profile) like she has a love of people and creating (something I really respect). Oh, and she's speedy -- I got the earrings only a few days after I placed my order! As someone who's notoriously impatient, I love this.

I think these will be my next two purchases (and very soon...I just can't help myself):


Czech glass bead stud earrings - I actually bought these for my friend Kelley's birthday back in May, but I like them so much, I want a pair of my own.

We Make A Great Pear locket ring - ummmmmm...LOVE this.

Oh, Milk Money, you are so adorable that I don't even mind spending the little money I have on your pretty things that make me feel pretty in turn. :)

I hope everyone had a fun Halloween weekend! Mine was spent in Nacogdoches with Mitch and some friends, tailgating (Saturday) and recovering (Sunday). Neither Mitch nor I could come up with any great costume ideas, so we were pretty lame. To be fair, however, our friend Hogan was dressed as a male hula dancer and there was really no way anyone was going to top that.

Currently I'm trying to find a way to get the pictures off this camera. Halfway to Nac I realized I had forgotten mine, but luckily I was able to borrow Hogan's...which means I don't have the right cord(s) for uploading. Damnit. Don't worry, I haven't given up yet. I'm really hoping I can figure this out myself without having to drive (an hour away) to Hogan's.

Oh, and I wanted to share a link I saw yesterday on a blog I read, My Teacups in Peony. Apparently The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click/donate daily so they can get enough free food donated for all the abused and neglected animals they take in. All you do is head over to their website and click on the purple box that says, "Click Here to Give - it's FREE!" One click provides roughly enough food for six animals, and you can visit/click every day! Anyway, I'm totally an animal (read: dog) person, and this really broke my heart. I've already visited yesterday and today! I'm so glad Nicole posted this for others to see.

All right, back to the task at hand: figuring out a way to get these damn pictures uploaded to my computer. Happy Monday, y'all, and happy first day of November!

lemons into lemonade (metaphorically-speaking)

I'm not much of a cook, I'll admit, but for some reason I seem to be a pretty decent baker.

Last summer I started searching for recipes online of some of my favorite cookies, etc. and baking just for fun. I guess it was probably a combination of boredom and my near-constant-need to create. Anyway, it's not like I've tried anything fancy...just your standarad chocolate chip/oatmeal raisin/snickerdoodle cookies kind of thing. But damn, they were good. I've been pretty proud of myself.

All that to say that yesterday I attempted peanut butter chocolate chip cookies to bring with me to Nac this weekend. I've made Mitch and his roommates cookies a couple times already this semester and they keep asking for more, so I was prepared to provide. I thought.

Presenting to you my very first (to date) baking disaster.

Wtf?
I honestly have no idea what happened. I followed the recipe exactly; no ingredients were left out, the right amounts were added in, the oven wasn't too hot...and yet...this was the result? I was pretty disappointed. And annoyed for wasting my own time. I don't even know why I bothered making more because, surprise surprise, they continued to look like the picture above. I'm dumb, obviously.

Just as I was getting ready to scrap the whole mess and put it out of my mind, my mom suggested I break it all up into small pieces and use as an ice cream topping. Genius! So that's what I did. :)


Ta-da!
Luckily boys'll eat anything that's half-way decent and free, so when I called Mitch and told him about the change, he was just as excited. Ha. On my way to their house tonight, I think I'll stop off and buy them some vanilla ice cream so we can all try it out. Fingers crossed it's wonderful! :)

can't stop, won't stop: october

It's (the end of) October and I'm crushing on this playlist so hard and I can't stop/won't stop listening to it on repeat (hooray for run-on sentences!):

• Something in Common by Free Energy
• Like a G6 by Far East Movement (this song gets me pumped the hell up every.single.time)
• Give A Little More by Maroon 5
• Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift
• The Dan in Real Life official soundtrack by Sondre Lerche (in particular, To Be Surprised...it's excellent)

(photo credit)
...
when i wrap my arms around you,
every mistake we've made crumbles
- sondre lerche
PS: If you've never seen Dan in Real Life, please do so immediately. It's a great movie. Just sayin'.