things i need to get better at in 2011

It’s a new year which means there’s no excuse to not at least make an attempt to revamp myself, right?

No, but seriously, I’ve never really been one to make resolutions (probably because I know I don’t stick with anything longer than a couple weeks…hey, at least I’m honest). Of course this is the year I want to be a runner, fifteen pounds thinner and overall a healthier version of myself. However, I have a borderline codependent relationship with Mexican food (it needs me, too), so the chances of a thinner/healthier me? Slim to none.

Acceptance, y’all.

And as far as running goes, I unfortunately associate running with punishment and, therefore, loathe it with every particle of my being. Thanks, junior high (TOWNSEND, TAKE A LAP.).

Nevertheless, in the spirit of embracing new beginnings, I came up with a list of things I need to get better at this year. Presenting:

Things I Need to Get Better at in 2011

1. Hiding my tattoo from my grandmother

Okay, this one is actually null and void now that my mother’s let the cat out of the bag. One of my parents’ conditions to not disowning me for getting a tattoo was to never, under any circumstances, let my grandmother see it. She’s old-fashioned, which is really just a nice way of saying incredibly uptight and judgmental. Sorry, Grandma. Anyway, I have gone to great lengths to always be wearing long sleeves or a bracelet that I have taken the time to TAPE INTO PLACE ON MY WRIST so as to not upset the delicate balance that is my family life, all to have this ruined on Christmas, when my mother loudly announced SHOW HER, ANDREA. SHOW YOUR GRANDMOTHER WHAT YOU’VE DONE. The she laughed at me. She may or may not have also called me white trash (and may or may not have been kidding). Well, you know what, Mom? Jokes on you ‘cause Grandma didn’t even care. SO SUCK ON THAT.


2. Managing my money

This’ll be short and sweet, lest I begin weeping at the thought of my financial state. I’m horrible with money (admittedly, it’s probably by choice…) and therefore end up spending money on things like beer and Whataburger at 2am as opposed to, oh, you know, gas and dog food. There comes a point every month where I literally find myself crying in Walmart because I’m broke and know I can’t buy that bag of Cheetos. Props to Mitch for always listening to the conversations that begin with OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS OVER OH MY GODDD. I’m a real treat.


3. Texting back

When it comes to communication, I’m the kind of person I love to hate on: I suck at answering calls, listening to voicemails and even taking the time to text someone the hell back. I KNOW. It’s awful. I really don’t even know why I do it. What makes it even worse is that nothing bothers me more than when someone doesn’t answer MY call or text. I’m all WHAT THE HELL, DUDE. Hypocrite, I am. So, to all my lovely friends, consider this my formal apology for sucking so bad AND my formal promise to rectify my wretchedness in 2011.


There you have it, y’all. I’m just going to do my damndest to be better this year at a lot of things that kind of matter.

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, my only New Years resolution is to try everything on Taco Bueno’s menu. I decided that today when Mitch and I were at lunch (guess where) and he wasn’t terribly impressed. Weird.

twenty-ten, over & out

Two thousand and ten, you were quite the challenge when it came to life post-grad. I turned 23, fell in love, tried my hand at accounting (wtf?), dealt with unemployment, terrible employment, and unemployment once again, spent a lot of money enjoying a summer I didn't expect to have, thankfully attended more weddings than funerals, got a tattoo, watched too much Jersey Shore while drinking too much wine, made new friendships while rekindling the old, became the proud mother of two (count 'em, TWO) dogs and kissed my sanity goodbye.

Thanks for the ups, let's forget the downs, and here's to a fantastic year ahead of us all!

BRING IT ON, 2011.

for Christmas my grandmother decided to dress me like a pimp

My grandmother, God love her, has the strangest taste.

I should qualify that statement by saying that when it comes to dishes, home décor, and her own clothing, she has impeccable taste. Really just fantastic. But because we (she and I) are such different people, the things she chooses to buy me are often...iffy.

Or in this case, pimp-like.

Shudder.

A few hours before everyone was supposed to arrive at our house for Christmas Eve festivities, my grandmother swung by to drop off all her gifts (because they were already in her car and she just couldn't bear the thought of leaving them in her trunk unsupervised). Sweetheart, I found the most fabulous outfit the other day. I thought you could wear it to a New Years Eve party!, she gushed.

Now, I was wary because I know her penchant for purchasing interesting items, but really, I wasn't prepared for the reality of the situation.

I'll just kiss my dignity goodbye and show you this:


HOLY SHIT, GRANDMA.

I.

Look.

So.

Fat.

Also, I'm planning on stoning my mother later for making me pose this way. That angle does not work for my body. Wtf.


In case you're having a hard time taking your eyes off the ensemble as a whole, let me break it down for you. This fashion-forward look can be yours by stopping at your local Dillard's and purchasing:

one silky black top
one black COMPLETELY SEQUINED Tuxedo jacket
one black fur "bomber jacket"
one pair gray-black JEGGINGS
one jaunty black cabbie-style cap, complete with black sequined band & bow

My mom said I looked like a hooker. I really felt more like a sassy gay cab driver, possibly native to Reno. Mitch said he still loved me, so he's obviously a keeper, although the next thing he said was could he please also try on the jeggings?

Mitch had just come from the ballet, where he was starring in Peter Pan. Also, check out those sexy tennis-toned legs. Meowww.

Marry me.

You see, my grandmother had bought two pairs, being unsure what size I wore.

This was clearly the perfect opportunity for Mitch and I dress like a lesbian couple.


Merry Christmas!

We showed my grandmother these pictures later. She apologized and took the clothes back. Thanks, Grandma.

a weary world rejoices

Here's to sweet time spent with sweet family, hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, puppy presents, hideous purple bathrobes gifted from great-grandmothers, and another wonderful holiday all together. Merry Christmas, y'all!

i'm alive, i swear

I feel so out of touch with the real world.

And by the real world I, of course, mean the internet.

My parents, Mitch and I just got back last night from a family hunting trip out in Hickville, USA (aka. West Texas) where there is absolutely no cell phone service. Also, coincidentally, there was absolutely no hunting for me as I prefer to read and nap. Hunters, hunt your hearts out. Just leave me out of it.

But isn't this a great look for Mitch?

I promise that in real life he looks much hotter. And less like Elmer Fudd.

Anyway, since Christmas Eve is tomorrow (tomorrow!!) I'm spending this evening quietly enjoying a homemade facial mask and tons of free foodstuffs from my Neiman Marcus assistant buyer friend, Eileen (who, in case you couldn't tell, has the coolest job ever).

Happy almost Christmas! Enjoy this picture of my two (TWO!) puppies, please & thanks. And no, it never makes me feel pathetic to talk about my dogs as much as I do. It's fine.

Hello, we're the Townsend-Baker dogs and we're pretty damn adorable.



Oh, and PS: just to be totally anticlimactic, my big "secret" of last week was that my two very dear friends Kelsey and Harrison got engaged this past Saturday. I was overly excited to find out a week before Harry proposed and despeartely wanted to tell the world; however, I am pleased to say I was able to keep it to myself. Look at me, I'm growing up. Anyway, congratulations, Kelsey and Harrison! I can think of no two people more deserving of true love and happiness. :)

cake balls, puppy dogs, and a Peruvian hat (but not in that order)

My love affair with weekends continues, in case anyone is interested.

On Saturday my friend Diana and I went to the most fabulous little salon in Uptown called Dear Clark Hair Studio for haircuts and complimentary makeovers. I love free stuff (sadly, the haircut was not free). Dear Clark somehow manages to be both chic and adorable, plus there's wine. I also love free booze. The girl who cut my hair, Chantel, is fantastic, so fantastic that not only is this the best haircut I've ever had in my life, but she also made me look so pretty (and, trust me, this is not an easy feat). My new Christmas wish is to be able to style my hair the way she did. Fingers crossed. Anyway, it was such a fun afternoon and I left with a spring in my step.

Last night was Kelsey's white elephant party and let me start off by saying I totally got what I deserved, as much as that sucks. Everyone brought such fun gifts (ie. Mitch walked away with a spaceship alarm clock that projects the time AND PICTURES OF PLANETS on the ceiling!) and it was a blast, except for the part where I ended up with my own stupid gift. That's what I get for buying a talking bobble head of Snooki.

I deserved to walk away with this. Best part? Every time her head moves she says, I'm not trashy...unless I drink too much. It's my new motto. Also, this looks nothing like Snooki.

To be fair, Diana is an excellent friend and gave me the gift she ended up with, the most adorable little Woodland Creatures cookie cutters from IKEA.

I can't wait to make moose cookies!

As the night came to a close, Kelsey gave us all these cute little canisters she made filled with delicious cake balls. Have y'all ever had cake balls? I can't even describe them except to say they're like little drops of heaven. Kelsey also gifted me a bottle of wine with a funny little label she made that says He's the Riesling for the season. Get it? Or are we the only ones who thinks that's funny? It's fine.

Kelsey is so adorable, but y'all've already figured that out.

I feel so blessed to have such sweet and wonderful friends. Sometimes I can't understand why God has been good to me, but I'm grateful all the same.

This morning Mitch and I joined my whole family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) in attending our church's Christmas play. It was pretty amazing -- there were fireworks that went off inside the auditorium and, at one point, HUGE FLAMES OF FIRE. We felt the heat on our faces all the way in our seats and I'm relatively certain everyone in the first nineteen rows must have walked away sans eyebrows. Later Mitch and I went Christmas shopping for Clark (no, that's not sad; it's AWESOME) because we love her. Note: we frequently joke that we don't want to have kids because we'd really just like to have dogs and vacations, but after spending the afternoon with my cousin's cute (but diva-ish) baby, we may no longer be joking. While we were out, Mitch bought/gave me an early Christmas present: the cutest Peruvian-style winter hat. I'm obsessed. Thanks for being the sweetest boyfriend, Mitchell. :)

I'm gonna rock the shit outta this hat all winter long.

The only thing I can keep saying is how blessed I feel all of a sudden. And it's not that anything has drastically changed, it's just that...I look around me and I feel warm with love for the people in my life. The hat helps, too.

There are a lot of really exciting things that are going to happen this coming week, but for now, they must remain secret. :) All the same, I'll end on a list of things I'm looking forward to (because it's fun to remind myself):

• Mitch now lives in DFW and I can see him whenever I want
• Drinks with friends tomorrow night to celebrate the end of finals
• Couples dinner date night on Thursday (Kelsey and Harrison are seriously the cutest)
• Secrets :)

And now I'll for real end this post with two pictures of Clark because she's the best and I'm really trying to treasure every moment we have together.

You're a beaut.

Oh, Clark Kent, I love you. And I have excellent posture.

a very Townsend-Baker thanksgiving

Holidays are lovely, but they really throw off me off, ie. I've thought it was Sunday all day.

I hope everyone had a tasty Thanksgiving! Mitch and I spent time with our families (one of his family traditions is to play a dominoes game called Train whenever everyone's together, which I discovered I'm not good at) and ate two Thanksgiving dinners. I was also able to take a few (non-professional) family photos of the Bakers during one of the brief moments it stopped raining, and I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the results.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Bakers. :)

Favorite Thanksgiving day moment:
laying on the couch & inadvertently spooning Morgan (and the bonding continues...)

I wish we had a picture of the aforementioned spooning, but I suppose this'll do.

I don't like to take normal pictures because they highlight my hideousness but, my god, Mitch has never looked sexier.

On Friday my parents had us take a quick family photo out at a nearby park since my brother and sister-in-law were in town for the holiday. Note: I hate being in pictures, so I was a less-than-happy camper, but whatev. However, it was pretty cute that my family included Mitch in our photo shoot; I thought that was just precious. I guess there's no going back now, eh Mitch? You're on the Christmas card. You're officially stuck with us.

left to right: Mitch, Clark, me, Mama, Dad, my sister-in-law Amy and my brother Benton
(and I'm beyond annoyed that my mom and I look like the same person ughhh)

The rest of this long weekend has consisted of traveling back and forth to Dallas for various reasons (movies, an interview, parties, etc.) and, finally, resting. I can't believe I still have another day of this left! Thanks for taking your sweet time, Sunday.

Oh, and the interview I had today? I think it went well, but I won't find out until Monday whether or not I'll be selected for a second interview. So...we'll see!

Thanksgiving, I cannot believe you have already come & gone, but thank you for bringing together family and food, as well as a cold front. And although I'm grateful for the memories we've made together, it's time to move on. I hope you understand, Thanksgiving...

It's Christmas season, bitches. :)

never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way

I'm watching Under the Tuscan Sun for the second time today.

This is most likely a result of boredom and my obsession with watching movies that bum me out (although I will admit that Under the Tuscan Sun is certainly more uplifting than The Last Kiss, my usual go-to sure-to-bum-you-the-hell-out movie). Watching Diane Lane find new life in Tuscany has shown me that the cure for depression is going on a gay bus tour of Italy. I'll keep that in mind.

Over the weekend Mitch and I attended his cousin's wedding (beautiful),



spent time at my family reunion (overwhelming), visited Mitch's grandfather in the hospital (sweet), and witnessed my cousin's baby be baptised (exciting).


Needless to say, it was a weekend full of family, both mine and Mitchell's, and I'm still struck by how much I love them all. Now that Monday's nearly upon me, I'm not sure how to proceed with my week. I'm growing more and more discouraged with finding a teaching job for the fall. Every day that goes by, I feel my chances are shrinking and the few jobs that are actually available are being snatched up in every passing second. What will become of me come August? I sure as hell don't know.

What's funny is that although I have no job, no money, and no prospects...I'm so supremely happy in other areas of my life that I am able to have hope for the future. Well, most days. Most days I am able to have hope. And on the days I am unable...well, those are the days I sleep late. Take naps. Watch premium cable. And fluctuate between my desire to be thin and my desire to eat three hundred Brownie Bites. Life's full of tough choices.

Honestly, tomorrow already feels like it has the potential to be one of those hopeless Law-&-Order-SVU-marathon-Brownie-Bites kind of days. But I'm not ready to give up before it already starts.

Here's to a hopeful, productive Monday. :)