Tuesday, July 12, 2011

to be or not to be: censored?

Well, hello!

Haven’t see y’all around these parts in quite awhile!

Or is it me who’s been MIA?

Oh. That’s right. Well, hello nonetheless! I realize I went missing on a pretty grim note (can you blame me?), but I’ve had some time to think, some time to process, and obviously some time to cry while sorting everything out. I wish that meant that I now have answers, but it doesn’t. It simply means I’m learning daily to accept my life for what it is (something I’ve been learning daily to do for nineteen months but, hey, who’s counting?).

After the whole reference-debacle (update: there’s nothing I can do about it because of some kind of a federal law where all my dirty laundry, once aired, must remain posted for a full two years…WOMP), I hit a bit of a low point. Just a teeny tiny low point. Low enough for me to mope around and say things like WHAT’S GOING TO BECOME OF ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1?!!!!11111 while hoping for an actual answer to an overly-dramatic question. This is the part where I normally turn to my parents (read: mother) for some direction, something I’m not always (read: usually) terribly fond of doing. And while I’m not saying everything she brought to my attention this time around wasn’t true or important, I didn’t like any of it.

I especially didn’t like hearing about how parts of my life are a disappointment.

Parts of my life like…this blog?

And by disappointment I also meant embarrassing.


I come from a Christian, conservative family. And I would consider myself Christian & moderately conservative, but I suppose I do write like I’m…common street trash? Okay, a bit extreme, but perhaps I am a little juvenile. Perhaps my stories are immature and, wow, maybe this blog IS standing in the way of me being hired by a district (to hear my mother tell it, she wouldn’t trust me with influencing America’s youth based on my written words…double ouch).

I get that we’re in an age of Extreme Technology, an age where everything I say or do can be blasted out onto the internets and ruin my life, should I make a wrong move. That’s daunting. And maybe I should have been a little more careful.

Maybe I should have censored myself more.

Maybe I should henceforth censor myself more.

That’s a shock to my system. I see the value in protecting my online persona – people who don’t know me from Adam could read my blog and have a totally wrong impression of me because while, sure, I'm 24 and like to do all the things that 24-year olds like to do, I’m also responsible. I don’t spend every waking hour wasted or finding a way to get wasted. My number one priority isn’t partying or sleeping until noon or finding new, creative ways to use expletives (I wish). And I admire writers/bloggers like Heather Armstrong and The Bloggess and The Frenemy. I admire that the have the balls and fuck-all to say what they want to say, how they want to say it, when they want to say it.

But maybe that’s just one of many luxuries I can’t afford right now.

I just don’t know.

And while I continue to mull that over, you’ll notice I have a new blog address so as to not make it quite as easy to simply Google my name and be directed to this slophole.

Oh, and because it’s been way too dreary around here as of late, please enjoy some fun recent pictures that I’m posting for zero real reason at all:

My best friends and I ready to embark on a party barge for the day (Lake Travis, Austin). EXCELLENT.


Some of my wonderful friends. :)


Mitch & I out on 6th Street, our last night in Austin.

PS: Seriously, though, if anyone hears about any teaching openings for 4-6th generalists or 4-8th English language arts/reading let me know! I’m expanding where I’m applying (I’m looking at you, Houston…sigh…).

PPS: Y’all are the greatest. I just can’t quit you, friends. :)


TriGirl said...

Soooo stressful. Man I'm sorry. I do love your pics from Austin (Lake Travis rocks!!)

p.s. Glad you're back :)

Caroline Sweatt said...

Apparently I have been missing your latest blog entries, and that breaks my heart a little.

It is such a hard balance to negotiate transparency and honesty with what is best for your "online persona." Lame.

Love you!

*^_^* said...

Glad you're back! ;D
Nice post! Nice pics!

Hannah DeVries said...

All I have to say is that I'm really glad you're back. Like a lot.

a n d r e a said...

Hannah, you just made my day. No -- my WEEK. Thank you. :)

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