my job is...

crazy
busy
awful
taxing
stressful
definitely not monetarily rewarding
inescapable, even in my dreams
tiresome
tedious
constant
overwhelming
email after email after email
Excel spreadsheet after Excel spreadsheet after Excel spreadsheet
necessary
frustrating
making me hate Shell more than anything in the world
not what I'll be doing in the long run...I hope...


It's Friday. Less than four hours until I'll be on the road with Clark, headed to Nac. I can't wait to drink summertime beer, score some of Kuykendall's leftover magic-making shish kabobs, double (triple??) date, go to Mitch's tennis tournament, take Clark to the park, watch Dan in Real Life (one of my very favorite movies), drink even more summertime beer, play at Shack or Annex or Bullfrogs, sleep late, and soak up every minute with friends. :)

Oh, and currently playing: John Mayer's Stop This Train. On repeat. For the past two hours.

now let's pretend like it was all-good

Oh, Monday, I always wish you were Friday.

This weekend was absolutely lovely, though, and I was finally able to visit my friends in Austin! We didn't do a ton, but it was wonderful and relaxing. When Jordan and I got into town on Friday night we met up with Caroline for dinner at a place I can't remember the name of...but it had a great patio and the weather was nice. :) We spent most of the day Saturday laying by the pool, talking and getting progressively more sunburned. Kristin was able to meet up with with us that night for dinner at El Arroyo and then a little fun on West 6th Street. Annnnd I was super excited to see Kelley for even a little bit on Sunday; she and Mike joined Jordan, Caroline and I for brunch at the Iron Cactus on 6th, which by the way was super yummy. I wish I had remembered to take more pictures, but I was distracted. It felt so good to just be with my people again.

Briarwood lives on. SFP.

...

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
Are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now

Wish right now

Wish right now

...

In other news, I received my test scores for the EC-6 generalist exam I (unexpectedly) had to take last week and I passed! Oh, and please listen to Airplanes Pt. 2 by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams (of Paramore) and Eminem. It's fantastic and I've been listening to it all weekend/morning.

admittedly

Admittedly this hasn't been one of my best weeks.

That's not to say, however, that in the grand scheme of things it's been one of my worst. Definitely not. It's just been an off week, one of those weeks where you can't stop waking up late and can't seem to do anything right. It all started with my Tuesday breakdown-cryfest over finances, prompted by my realization that not only can I not afford to move out (EVER) but I also can't afford to make half the weekend visits I planned on over the next three months. So long, Elizabeth's wedding. Maybe next year, Houston pub crawl. Sigh. Gas is just too expensive and I was going to be buying up to ELEVEN TANKS in May alone. If I want to save up any money at all, it's just not feasible.

All week I've been cranky short, restless and sad. Worried. Exhausted.

Part of my exhaustion stems from the amount of work I'm actually doing at work now. I'm the accounts receivable coordinator, yes, so I handle collections, payments, data entry, etc. However, lately my boss has been bringing me payments for our biggest account, which I suppose I could take as a compliment on my job performance...or he's just tired of doing it himself. On Wednesday he brought me everythinggg for one of our more difficult accounts and said, "Yea, I haven't had time to deal with this... Can you sort it out and get everything taken care of? Thanks." Neat-o.

I also asked our CFO for more work so I'll have a reason to work overtime (god, the adult world sucks so bad) and bam, now I'm taking care of a bunch of HR business. New hire paperwork, benefits registry, employment verification, drug screenings... The works. I feel like the stack of papers on my desk is consistently growing higher and higher, and I can't seem to make a dent.

Work is tiring, sure, but it's become physically and mentally exhausting. I'm here early every morning, I work through lunch, and I stay late. I need rest.

Of course, me sitting here typing this up when I've got payments right in front of me that absolutely have to get applied this morning isn't helping. I know. But I needed just a minuted to download, to release some of my ever-growing tension and perhaps gain a little perspective. It's just work. It's just payments and benefits and emails and Excel spreadsheets and Friday transfers. It'll be okay.

Plus, it's Friday and I leave for Austin right after work. There's something to certainly be grateful for. :)

You know it's going to be a good day when you start by spending twenty minutes crying in your car.

can anybody find their home?

I've been listening to Sunshine by Keane a lot today. The melody is so soothing and the lyrics, while a little strange, draw me in for some inexplicable reason. Anyway, I'm loving it.

I cannot believe how quickly this past weekend went by. I feel like I blinked and it was over. On Friday night I diligently spent the evening prepping for Saturday's district job fairs. Of course that's no one's favorite Friday night, but mehhh.

Saturday morning I went to Cedar Hill ISD's job fair and was surprised by how much I liked it out there. It's kind of far from where I am now (about 45 minutes), but I don't really mind. Everyone was split up between elementary and secondary; that always confuses me only because with 4-8 certification, I'm eligible for both. Anyway, normally in that situation I just stop by the elementary side first, do my "interview" and then head over to the secondary side and repeat. However, at Cedar Hill we were only allowed one interview so we had to just pick a side. I impulsively chose elementary and was kind of having second thoughts when they finally called me back to meet with someone, but my gosh, I'm really glad I made the choice I did. The woman who "interviewed" me ended up being the Language Arts director for the entire district! After we talked for awhile, she told me I had great energy and that she was definitely going to pass on my resume, etc. to the intermediate school principals (5th and 6th grades). Then she told me to just wait for a phone call. I felt like that was really positive, and I'm cautiously optimistic I'll hear from them.

I had planned on also going to Irving ISD and Richardson ISD's job fairs, but on the way up to Irving my car started acting funny and I ended up having to make a detour to the mechanic. Hundreds of dollars and two missed job fairs later, it's working fine. Ugh.

On Saturday night, Mitch picked me up for an extremely belated birthday date. We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, which was incredible of course, but when we were leaving we saw that it was pouring down rain. And duh, we didn't have an umbrella. We were both totally and completely soaked when we finally made it to the car. So much for looking nice, haha. From dinner we drove into Grand Prairie for the Owl City concert. Seeing as how we're both older than fourteen, we definitely stuck out so we decided to immediately buy drinks in order to flaunt our awesome older-ness. Suck it, pre-teens. We've got beer. Anyway, the concert was wonderful but the drive home felt like it took forever and we were both so tired.

Yesterday after church we saw Death at a Funeral; hilarious. Go see it immediately. If it's even possible, I'm more in love with James Marsden than I was before seeing the movie.

Monday obviously means it's back to the corporate grind. I'm trying so hard every day to be patient with, optimistic about and grateful for the place I'm in. At the same time, though, living at home makes me feel like a rebellious teenager, I'm growing increasingly stressed and nervous about finding a teaching job for the fall, and I miss my friends. This coming weekend I'm going to Austin for a small Briarwood reunion; I can't believe it's been four months since I last saw my friends. How ridiculous is that? Goddamn. I can't wait to enjoy every minute with them!

Oh, and one final thought: I also cannot wait for December when Mitch moves back to Dallas. Sure, Forney's nearly an hour away...but it's better than the three and a half we're at right now! Mitchell, get me a job in Cedar Hill and then do your student teaching in Cedar Hilllllll. M'kay great. :)

train

the way you can cut a rug,

watching you is the only drug i need :)

I'm really enjoying having someone to talk about my day with. Doesn't it just feel nice after work to call someone? I work with people all day, yes, but something about collections calls and business meetings lacks the spark of real human connection.

PS: I've decided I'd really love to be Scarlett Johanson's character Annie from the Nanny Diaries, only without the shitty nanny job. Her clothes are kickass and she's probably the most adorable creatures I've ever seen. Arghhhh. New life goal? Become Scarlett Johansson. Period.

PPS: I think I'll really enjoy having someone to come home to someday.

wednesday

barefooted beauty with eyes that blue

sunshine sure looks good on you, i swear

oh, i can't believe i finally found you, baby

happily ever after after all this time

oh, there's gonna be some ups & downs

but with you to wrap my arms around, i'm fine

so, baby, hold on tight

don't let go

hold on to the love we're making

'cause, baby, when the ground starts shaking

you've gotta know when you've got a good thing

we've got a good thing

looove this picture of us (summer 2009)

...

In other news, our CFO just completely knocked over a file cabinet in the cubicle next to mine. Hilarious.

but isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?

Today is just such a cranky, cranky day.

But I don't know why. Ugh.

It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm completely out of clean clothes but sooo don't want to do laundry. Or the fact that I feel claustrophobic living in the guest room. Or that I've had to enter this silly payment into Quick Books three times this morning because it keeps messing up. Or that it's the Monday of yet another seemingly-never-ending work week. Blah.

Fingers crossed that April brings me many district interviews! I'm so nervous.

if you see an alligator in your bathtub, run

I am currently watching Talladega Nights and eating Fruit Roll-Ups, waiting for Mitch to get back from the tennis tournament. I was all for helping him set everything up this morning, but...then I just wanted to nap, ha.

We have been very lazy since I got to Nac yesterday for an impromptu visit. Well...not really lazy, but relaxed (with the exception of the two hour cleaning session I forced Mitch into, but SERIOUSLY who needs that many pairs of jeans they haven't even worn since high school?!).

I love visiting Nac. I love pretty Sundays and IHOP breakfasts. :)

We're driving into Lufkin in a few hours to see She's Out of My League. Yay! Happy Sunday everyone!

PS: These Fruit Roll-Ups have fortunes on them when you lick 'em. Mine was that stupid alligator thing. What the fuck?

oh, freedom is mine

birds flying high, you know how i feel

sun in the sky, you know how i feel

breeze driftin' on by, you know how i feel

it's a new dawn
it's a new day
it's a new life...for me

and i'm feeling good

sleep in peace when (the) day is done

that's what i mean

and this whole world is a new world

& a bold world for me

stars, when you shine, you know how i feel

scent of the pine, you know how i feel

oh, freedom is mine

and i know how i feel

it's a new dawn

it's a new day

it's a new life

for me

and i'm feeling so good

...

Both Michael Bublé and Muse's versions are excellent. Give 'em a listen.

and we will be boho to the muthaMAX*

Even though I'm still living at home (with no end in sight ughhh), I can't help dreaming about decorating my own place again.

The other day I stopped by my storage room to rummage around for some things when it struck me just how much I miss my things. My home. My entire apartment is smashed into that tiny room and I ache to take everything out. I miss my couches. I miss my coffee table. I miss my bed. I miss my picture frames and canvases and hooks. I miss my mixing bowls. Hmph.

Often I online shop while I'm at work (oops), and today I got too excited & ended up purchasing several more items from Urban Outfitter's website. On that note, can I just say how much I looove UO? They are. My. Favorite. I got my bedding from there last summer and yep, I'm still obsessed. Anyway, today I bought a few home-y things that I'll (unfortunately) have to wait months to use, haha.

Badass shower curtain I've wanted since November.

Rag shag rug.

Pieces to hang (or hang things on!) in my future living room.

Love mugs. :)

Hurry up, future home! I'm already excited for you!

...

*blog title courtesy of a Mr. Mitchell S. Baker and his silliness

love love love (love love) - as tall as lions

after some time it's something i find true:

love's not a grave
it won't decay on you
too many days i was afraid of love
love love love love love...

well, there's just so much to be grateful for

Work just about killed me today.

I wasn't sure I could make it all eight hours without doing something drastic. It's like invoicing got even more tedious over night. Ugh. I absolutely hate the days I'm unable to focus (like today). Not only do they make me feel like a terrible employee, but I end up falling behind which just makes me hate it even more. It's a vicious circle.

Thank goodness I have Tiffany and Hannah, the only two other women who work in my office. They are 34-years old and best friends; they even graduated from high school together! Precious. Tiffany has two great kids, Carlie and Logan, while Hannah is eagerly awaiting the arrival of her first, Ethan Cole, due any day now. Hannah has been out over a week already on bed rest and, I have to say, I'm missing her more than I thought I would. But Tiffany is great and Hannah being gone has given us more time to get to know one another. I had so much fun during our lunch break yesterday, just chatting. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I can tell her anything. And I like that she gets that this is obviously not the kind of work I want to do, haha.

I guess what I'm saying is that if I have to work in an industry I know nothing about doing a job completely unrelated to my skills and interests, at least I have sweet people around me. :)

In other concluding news, I just accidentally took a three and a half hour nap. Totally going to sleep well tonight now...not. Ha.

top notch

All in all, I'd have to say the Deep Ellum Arts Festival this weekend was a lot of fun! I wasn't sure what to expect, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves so I'm happy. :) We took Clark along on Saturday and I kind of wish we hadn't... I love her, but she's a huge distraction. I spent most of our time being stressed that she was going to jump on someone. But actually she was really well-behaved so I was basically stressing myself out for no reason. Ha.





Anyway, there were silly bands, food food food, tons of people & their dogs, and art absolutely everywhere. Beautiful. I'm a huge fan of public art. This was also my first time in Deep Ellum. I have no idea why it's taken me so long to get down there, but I absolutely loved it. It would be incredible to live down there, drug and gang problems aside. I loved just wandering through the festival up and down Main and then crossing over to Commerce for drinks at Angry Dog & The Twisted Root. It was simple but wonderful.

More than anything it felt good to just be out with friends, enjoying the sunshine and taking pictures. I haven't really gone out in Dallas since I moved up here, so this festival and time with my friends was like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for playing, dear friends!

Now it's back to grind and I have a ton to do today since I left a few hours early on Friday. Oops. Plus one of our VPs called me into his office this morning and wants to train me to do some things for him starting today. I'm really excited (and thrilled to know he's "been hearing great things" about me!) but possibly overwhelmed... Sometimes I can barely keep up with A/R!

Anyway, today I'm grateful for beautiful friends, giant 12 oz. cans of Red Bull, pink sunburned cheeks, the nicest boy in the entire world, Deep Ellum, the promise of tomorrow, my iPod, and the blessed life I know I lead.