the lovely, lovely aftermath

Painting = complete!

I literally spent all day yesterday upstairs painting. But it was dark and rainy, so really, pretty perfect for a day spent completely indoors.



I didn't realize it would take as much time and work as it did, but in the end, I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. And so are my parents, so everybody wins!

Anyway, it feels nice to have a fresh, clean bedroom. Maybe that'll motivate me to get movin' on all the things I need to do before tomorrow. Thursday morning my parents and I are heading to Rockport for a long July 4th weekend. My aunt and uncle have a house right on the water (it's incredible) and every year they invite us down for the Fourth, but we've never been able to go until this year. Finally! Two of their children/my cousins recently got engaged and will also be in town, so there's plenty to celebrate. I'm so excited!

Oh, and please go away, Tropical Storm Alex.

a life full of mini-adventures

This evening I bought a gallon bucket of Solitude paint. But I mean, "Solitude" is just Valpor's nonsensical way of saying "periwinkle blue." What sillies.

Anyway, I just slathered some on one of my walls and I have to say, so far, I'm liking the effect. I plan on slathering all the walls tomorrow. The room I'm currently living (staying?) in is the room I had all through high school, after my family moved here when I was fifteen. It's small; I suppose I could say it's cozy if I was trying to be cute about it. But in actuality, it's just small. These days it's filled with guest room furniture since that's what it functioned as during the four and a half years I was away at college. Now that I'm once again occupying the space, I'm trying to find a balance between feeling at home while also still living out of boxes. I'm hesitant to get totally comfortable because I obviously want to be here for as little time as possible (no offense, dearest Mother & Father). However, it's been six months, and I'm getting a little tired of being surrounded by oil paintings and excessive amounts of silk plants.

So I'm finally getting around to what I've wanted to tackle since I was a sophomore in high school: painting the walls. I think it'll give me something to do and also help me to feel a little more ownership for the time being.

Plus, I love painting.

Wish me luck. :)



PS: The family reunion over the weekend was wonderful! Mitch's family was really sweet and I even won a couple rounds of dominoes. Whoop!

lake texhoma, here i come!

After the (excessively enormous) lunch Sarah and I just shared, all I really want to do is take a nap. Instead I must finish packing and then meet up with Mitch so we can begin our journey to Lake Texhoma! This weekend is his family reunion, so we are headed their way for three days and two nights of family fun. I think.

In reality I'm quite nervous.

Shocker of all shockers, I'm naturally shy, especially when placed in situations where I know no one. Plus I really want his family to like me. Fingers crossed!


Happy weekend, everyone. :)

oh, and i'm on my way to believing

When I was young, I saw my daddy cry & curse at the wind
He broke his own heart

And I watched as he tried to reassemble it

And my mama swore that she would never let herself forget

That was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love if it doesn't exist

But, darling, you are the only exception

You are the only exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone and keep a straight face
I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable distance

And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

'Cause none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, you are the only exception

You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

...

*Love and thanks to my dear friend Sarah for turning me onto this song today. And for playing it on repeat the entire way home. :)

today

Today, so far, I am thankful for...

:: Whataburger breakfast
:: Speeding tickets costing $100 less than anticipated
:: Clark Kent :)
:: Commercial-free Mondays on KISS FM
:: The Jamie Foxx billboard as I drove through Terrell, TX (for making me laugh like always)
:: More fun summer weekends to come
:: Sweet, sweet text messages from Mitch
:: The World Cup AND Wimbledon!
:: My beloved and trusty iPhone
:: Having the house all to my self this week (bliss)


Thank you, God, for a great week's beginning.

hey na na na hey hey na na na na

I really love 3OH!3. And I don't care what haters say.

They're fun, hilarious and, god, it cracks me up that they're just two white guys from Colorado. Anyway, their new CD is due out in a couple weeks and I'm super excited about it, so I''ve been YouTubing several of their new songs that have leaked (ie. House Party, Touchin' on My, Deja Vu, I Can Do Anything, My First Kiss).

All make me want to p-a-r-t-y. And do little else.

Today, however, I'm especially feelin' Double Vision, also from their upcoming album, Streets of Gold. Badass beat. I can't get enough.

The sun is so hot

The drinks are so cold

Your clothes just fall off as the day go

We're gonna stay up

Ain't gonna lay low

We're gonna dance all night because we say so

I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships

'Cause lately they're not making any sense

And, baby, you're the one thing on my mind

But that could change any time

'Cause there's so many fine women that my head is spinning

And I've lost all feeling

Everybody's singing like

Hey na na na hey hey na na na na

'Cause there's so many fine women that my head is spinning

And I'm seeing double vision

Everybody's singing like

Hey na na na hey hey na na na na

Hey na na na hey hey na na na na

Let's go outside

Shut down the whole block

Watch the girls strut by like it's a catwalk

We're livin' easy

We got the whole day

And we can go hard no matter what the cops say

I see no vitals on your EKG

Dead on the dance floor

We only clap because we need more 3OH!3 blowin' out your speakers

Blowin' out your speakers

mishmash: june

I can't stop watching HGTV and the World Cup and this it's because I got fired a little over two weeks ago and, therefore, have nothing else to do.


Whaaat?


I know. I knowwwwwww.


This is surprising, no? Especially since I had just gotten a raise and a promotion, like, ten days prior? To be completely honest, I'm still not entirely certain why I was let go. Our CFO, Brian, came into my office, and said "Hey, ummmmm...sorry, but it's not working out. We're letting you go. Ummmm...we love you as a person, but...yea. Sorry." HA. Honestly, though, I'm assuming they just realized that I wasn't going to be staying with them long-term, and so it was easier to let me go now and hire/train someone who was more permanent. Which is fine. I understand, and I actually agree that that's probably what's best for the company. However, it would have been super if they could have not given me incredible job security and then, BOOM!, out of the blue fire me. Handled. So. Poorly.


I could teach them a thing or two about effective & proper communication.


So, that being said and that being the scenario, I find myself once again at square one. It's frustrating, yes, and pretty overwhelming when I consider all the bills I have rolling in (which are, weird, difficult to pay without any income). But I'm comforting myself with a few realizations:


a. I totally hated working there
b. All my favorite writers/bloggers have also been fired from shit jobs
c. Perhaps this is God giving me a second chance at SUMMER!
d. Things could be way worse


Admittedly, it's taken me these two+ weeks to get to this place, the accepting place where I breathe and sleep and function normally. A lot of things had hit me all at once (ie. a huge speeding ticket, major car repairs needed, getting fired, laptop completely dying, Clark medical issues/vet bills, losing my Aggie ring, etc.). And it's not that any of these things have been solved (I am still laptop-less, dealing with my Louisiana speeding ticket, and up to my ears in vet bills & repair estimates). I guess I've just realized I can't do more than I can do, and I'll just have to be optimistic that help will come in the nick of time.


I've been here in Nac with Mitch since Tuesday because, I mean, why not? I can look for a job on his computer just as easily as on my parent's computer in Grapevine. So Clark and I have been camped out in his apartment, sleeping late and watching a lot of TV while Mitch works tennis camps and teaches lessons. Three of his best friends are coming to visit this weekend and they'll be here tonight, so that should be fun. Then tomorrow night is Caro's sister Elizabeth's wedding in Silsbee! I'm terribly excited to see Caro for the first time in two months (sickkk) and to celebrate with the Sweatt family. Monday means back to Grapevine and back to reality, but meh, that's three days away. :)


In the meantime, when I'm not sleeping, HGTVing, or World Cupping, I'm looking for teaching jobs. The same thing I've been doing since December. Ugh.


I keep reminding myself that most districts don't require their teachers to file resignations until mid- to late-July, so there's still plenty of time for me to hear something. I've literally applied for over four hundred jobs in the past six months. That's not depressing at all, right? Haha. Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me that I get a call from a school in the next month or two so that I won't continue to be destitute.


For now, I think I'll call the wonderful sheriff's department in St. Landry Parish, Louisiana and excitedly learn how much money I'll get to pay them. Awesome!




PS: Oh, and my mom called yesterday afternoon to say she found my Aggie ring!! Maybe this is where my luck starts! :)

an accidental thank-you

My big brother got married on Saturday.

How weird is that? Actually, it's weird that it's not weird. Benton and I are not close in any way, shape or form, but I really did enjoy his wedding (seriously, though, who doesn't enjoy a party with free booze?). He and Amy looked nauseatingly happy and, personally, that kind of overzealous affection makes me vomit. I mean, if I was getting married, I totally wouldn't want my groom blowing kisses at me during the entire ceremony. That's. Too. Much. But hey, that's what they're into, so I suppose it's good they found each other.

It'll come as no surprise then that I've got love on the brain. Weddings'll do that to you.

As I rode back to Dallas with my parents yesterday afternoon, I listened (via iPod) to Keith Urban's newest CD, Defying Gravity. I'm not a huge country music fan, but I liked it. Anyway, the song Standing Right in Front of You really piqued my interest and made me smile. Now, of course I have no actual way of knowing, but it made me think of some of the things Mitch must have been thinking the entire year we casually dated, a term that's always made me laugh.

Out on the street corner, just like every morning,

I sit here and watch you walk my way

And even though I don't know you,

As you get closer,

I swear, I feel my heart start racing, aching

Maybe it's in my mind

And maybe I'm only dreaming

But I swear, you catch my eye as you walk by

Oh, why you gotta leave me so blue?

Baby, why can't you see that I'm the only one for you?

You can search the world over, but

You'll never find another so true

'Cause if you're looking for love, I'm standing right in front of you

I bet your heart, like mine, has been broken

By someone you should have never given it to

So, we put up a wall to keep from falling so hard [again]

It's so sad

'Cause there's such good love inside

And I've been hoping that I might find

Someone who feels the same way

Someone to share my life

On this beautiful ride, together we can see it through

Baby, why can't you see that I'm the only one for you?

You can search the world over, but

You'll never find another so true

And if you're looking for love,

I'm standing right in front of you

Open your heart, girl

Let me make your dreams come true

You could search the world over,

But I can take you to the moon

'Cause if you're looking for love, I'm standing right in front of you

[open your eyes]

...

They met at a party. She was completely unavailable, but he was caught up in her eyebrow ring and smile. They became friends. And then they weren't because life gets in the way. And then they were again. They accidentally spent Easter together. She wrote it off as something silly. He didn't. They went to concerts and on roadtrips, drank beers during the daytime, raised her puppy, took long naps, met each other's parents, watched fireworks, and played in the lake all summer. He brought her back to life. Sometimes they were frustrated by not being in the same place; when he was ready, she wasn't. And when she finally was, he suddenly wasn't. But they never fought, which in and of itself was what she loved the most. He came to her graduation. She moved farther away. They went to hockey games and pint night at the Flying Saucer. They went to more weddings than funerals. He gave her a card for no reason but to tell her she was beautiful.

And somewhere along the way they fell in love. Absolutely.

...

Mitchell, this has not been the easiest year and some odd months. In particular the last couple weeks have been trying, and you have, through it all, been steadfast. I love that you cry just as much as I do even though I tease you mercilessly for it. I love your beard and your blue eyes and your Finley nose. I love your laugh. I love how excited Clark gets when she sees you. I love the way you dance, in the car and anywhere else. You are the true definition of an optimist. You have the sunniest, happiest personality, and everyone who meets you falls instantly under a spell you don't even realize you're casting.

You remind me that I don't have to do it all alone and that I don't always have to be in control. You work alongside me because you want to, not because you have to. My parents and friends love you possibly even more than I do. I love that sometimes you get so excited for me to visit that you even vacuum. I love you for coaching tennis for six-year olds. I love your friends. I even love your mother. I love your desire to work hard. You are ambitious in your own right, tackling endeavour after endeavour with too much humility to ever brag. I'm proud of you for starting the club team and then your own business. I'm proud of you for paying your way through school. I'm proud of you for keeping your closet clean after you let me organize it. And, Mitch, I'm not sorry it took us a year to settle down. I love our story exactly the way it is. I love the way we've turned out and I love us.

You are all of our good and I am all of our bad, I know, but thank you for loving me all the same.

wrong baby wrong baby wrong

...

wrong, baby

wrong, baby, wrong

it ain't the end of the world

don't you worry, pretty girl

c'mon now, everyone falls down

everyone crawls now & then

then they get up again

you cry if you want to, that's what we all do

but if you think you'll never move on

you're wrong, baby

cry, baby

cry, baby, cry

go on and let it all out

i ain't leavin' you now

and we can fly, baby

fly, baby, fly

let's share a bottle of wine

we can laugh about the good times

and you'll know why, baby

why, baby, why it's gonna be all right

c'mon, now

everyone falls down

everyone crawls now & then

then they get up again

you cry if you want to, that's what we all do

but if you think you'll never move on

you're wrong, baby, wrong

...

Seriously, Universe?

SERIOUSLY?

You know, if it was just small, annoying problems, that would be one thing. But it's not. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's so not.

I can't even find the words to write or speak anymore. It's like I'm in complete shock over the seemingly never-ending waves of bad luck that are crashing over me. The final straw for me? The thing that really sent me over the edge after I'd been trying to handle all the big things?

My Aggie ring went missing last night.




You win, Universe. You motherfucking win.

from thomas rayfiel's colony girl

"me, i was just getting carried this way and that, bashing into things, making these sudden spurts that felt like action but only seemed to carry me further and further from everything i wanted."


It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, the world keeps caving in.

a banner week

Last week was, well, not my best.

I don't really want to get into just yet, but basically, it was like one shitstorm after another for five days straight, and I'm still a little dizzy from the shock & stress. I keep telling myself that things will work out for the best, God WILL provide for me, I'm lucky in so many ways, and I just need to be patient. And optimistic. And trusting.

These are not always easy things for me.

It's weird how busy I am/will be this week, all things considered, but my brother's wedding is this coming weekend and there's still so much to do. Not that I'm excited about the fact that it's my brother's wedding. Nope. I don't really care. And I'm definitely not excited to be in the wedding party (since I know none of the other bridesmaids, and the groomsmen consist of guys I hated in high school and my ex...lovely!). But at the end of the day, weddings are fun! Correction: open bars are fun! I'm bringing Mitch and Jordan as my dates (ha), and I know the three of us are going to have a blast. Northgate afterwards? Yes. Yes yes yes.

Until then, I'm one strangely busy girl.