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I have had the hiccups all day.

Literally.

This can't be normal.


(photo credit)
does eating sugar really work?

PS: I just realized this would be more appropriate for a tweet rather than a blog post, but oh well. Sorry, Twitterverse.

a very Townsend-Baker thanksgiving

Holidays are lovely, but they really throw off me off, ie. I've thought it was Sunday all day.

I hope everyone had a tasty Thanksgiving! Mitch and I spent time with our families (one of his family traditions is to play a dominoes game called Train whenever everyone's together, which I discovered I'm not good at) and ate two Thanksgiving dinners. I was also able to take a few (non-professional) family photos of the Bakers during one of the brief moments it stopped raining, and I have to say I'm pretty pleased with the results.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Bakers. :)

Favorite Thanksgiving day moment:
laying on the couch & inadvertently spooning Morgan (and the bonding continues...)

I wish we had a picture of the aforementioned spooning, but I suppose this'll do.

I don't like to take normal pictures because they highlight my hideousness but, my god, Mitch has never looked sexier.

On Friday my parents had us take a quick family photo out at a nearby park since my brother and sister-in-law were in town for the holiday. Note: I hate being in pictures, so I was a less-than-happy camper, but whatev. However, it was pretty cute that my family included Mitch in our photo shoot; I thought that was just precious. I guess there's no going back now, eh Mitch? You're on the Christmas card. You're officially stuck with us.

left to right: Mitch, Clark, me, Mama, Dad, my sister-in-law Amy and my brother Benton
(and I'm beyond annoyed that my mom and I look like the same person ughhh)

The rest of this long weekend has consisted of traveling back and forth to Dallas for various reasons (movies, an interview, parties, etc.) and, finally, resting. I can't believe I still have another day of this left! Thanks for taking your sweet time, Sunday.

Oh, and the interview I had today? I think it went well, but I won't find out until Monday whether or not I'll be selected for a second interview. So...we'll see!

Thanksgiving, I cannot believe you have already come & gone, but thank you for bringing together family and food, as well as a cold front. And although I'm grateful for the memories we've made together, it's time to move on. I hope you understand, Thanksgiving...

It's Christmas season, bitches. :)

i think i wanna marry you

Oh, and I think I could watch this clip from last night's Glee episode over and over and over and over. And forever.

thankful

Two of my best friends and I at the A&M v. t.u. game last year, Thanksgiving Day

In keeping with the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to list some things I'm thankful for (and effectively copy ninety-nine percent of the other bloggers in existence).


This year I'm thankful for...

parents that drive me absolutely out of my mind (but who I love all the same)

an incredible aunt and uncle

fantastic cousins that feel like brothers and sisters

the most wonderful dog in the world

a pretty nifty boyfriend

my hometown

sweet friends, near and far

having an interview this coming Saturday :)

Taco Bueno party burritos

sweater-weather

the Bakers (and their reluctant love & acceptance, ha)

Dallas, TX

the power of forgiveness and the promise of future

my cousin Hunter and I, Thanksgiving 2009

I'll be spending the first part of Thanksgiving day with Mitch and his extended family, then we'll trek back to Grapevine for dessert and AGGIE FOOTBALL with mine.

Too be frank, I'm not a huge Thanksgiving fan. Don't get me wrong: I'm all for being thankful. But my family seems to be one that gets, ahem, unbearably stressed during the holidays, so it in turn make Thanksgiving more of a day to get through than a day to enjoy (sorry, Mom). Regardless, bring on the turkey, mashed potatoes and apple pie*!


my sweet cousin Braeden and I playing around last Thanksgiving -- isn't he the cutest?

*Regrettably, I am a picky eater and these are the only Thanksgiving foods I like. I KNOW.

can't stop, won't stop: november

It's time for another round of can't stop/won't stop, featuring songs (and perhaps an album or two) I'm inexplicably obsessed with.

• Whip My Hair by Willow Smith (absolutely no shame whatsoever)
• Powerful Stuff by Sean Hayes
• Glee's cover of both Teenage Dream and Forget You (o.m.g)
• We R Who We R by Ke$ha (cue embarrassment)
• John Mayer's Continuum album - every year I turn to this as my fall/winter soundtrack (it just fits, doesn't it?)

(photo credit)

Thanks to Gwenyth Paltrow for doing such a fantastic rendition of Forget You that I've found my new go-to karaoke song. We had a good run, Benny & The Jets, but you've been replaced.

an update(alternative title: i'm out of clever ideas)

Not only is Clark still sick, but I have found myself also under the weather, meaning we've spent the past two days like this:

I know you can barely see Clark in this picture, but the important thing to notice is that I'm sleeping in my coat and scarf. I wish this was unnecessary, but it's that cold in my house.

She's still dealing with a high fever and swollen legs (seriously, break my fucking heart) and I think I've simply got a case of severe stress (do I sound like a broken record yet?). We've been a cheery duo, as you can see, but I'm really looking forward to her perking up so I can stop sulking. I suppose I could stop sulking now, though I'm not sure I want to. Where's the fun in that?

This week's hit: conquering my fear of vomit
This week's miss: cleaning dog puke off my bed (on multiple occasions)

Oh, and here's a random picture from last weekend when my friend, Jordan, got his Aggie ring. Just felt like sharing.

Jordan's sad because he hadn't received his ring yet,
and I'm happy because I'm better than him.

Here's to (it almost being) Friday!

clark kent: the girl dog with a dude's name

I may or may not have mentioned before, but Clark Kent is my dog. My female dog. It's not really that interesting of a story (how I named her, I mean), but basically I just thought it would be funny to name a dog Clark Kent. My plan was to adopt a male, so when I found a listing for "FREE PUPPIES!!!!!!" on CraigsList, I immediately emailed the family and asked if they still had any little boy puppies left. They said yes, but when we met them to pick up the puppy, surprise!, he was a she (how do you mix THAT up?). Anyway, I was all, fuck it, let's still name her Clark Kent. See? Not terribly interesting, but there you have it.



the day we brought her home (ahhh so small!)

Christmas 2009

All the same, she is hands down the light of my life, one of my single greatest joys. Clark is brilliant, does tons of tricks, and is hands down the sweetest, most affectionate (read: co-dependent?), albeit at times hyper-active, dog in the world. I love her.

my absolute favorite picture of her :)

Today when I got home from errands, however, she didn't bark or run to the door to greet me. I looked around until I finally found her curled up under the coffee table, looking strange. She wouldn't respond to me, wouldn't move; her body was burning up and her left front & back legs were completely swollen. This was my cue to freak the hell out. I rushed her to the vet and then to the animal ER (my vet wasn't in today, of course) where blood was drawn, x-rays were taken and copious amounts of medication were administered.

Results?

Clark has Shar Pei fever.

Earlier this year we took her to the vet for a similar situation (high fever, swelling) but wrote it off as a freak incident. The doctor today informed us that Shar Pei fever is hereditary (she's a mutt, but we do know, duh, that she's part Shar Pei), it's not curable and eventually leads to irreversible kidney failure.

Meaning today I became the girl who sobs publicly in the animal ER.

Fevers, swollen "knees" (called hocks), incidents like this will keep happening for, well, the rest of her life. The only thing we can do is manage the part of the fever that causes protein deposits to form in her kidneys (obviously causing kidney disease, and then failure). There's a medicine we have to track down and start her on immediately that will hopefully stave this off for as long as possible, but the part I can't over is when the doctor said that this will shorten her life significantly. I absolutely lost it.

explorer dog!

She's only a year and a half old, and I can't imagine losing her. And she's not just a dog, not to me at least. Anyway, I just needed to get all that off my chest, and I would really appreciate anyone's prayers. :)

Summer 2009, still a teeny tiny precious puppy (ie. before she turned into a dinosaur)

Summer 2010, eighty pounds and clearly too big to ride in the driver seat

fingers crossed

As much as I didn't want to leave my warm (and ridiculously) comfortable bed or disturb the eighty-pound dog sleeping to my left, I did.

People, I'm off to follow a lead.

Over the past eight days, several leads have come my way, either about actual job openings or simply substitute teaching. Now, even if these don't pan out, it feels exciting to have prospects again! The most recent tip came last night when a friend called me about a teaching job that's opened up in her school. It's a charter school in Dallas, so not too far away from Grapevine, and it would obviously be more money than I'm making now. Plus, experience! Duh! I applied online right away and emailed the school directly, but because that's clearly not enough, I'm venturing out this morning to drop by the campus myself. Hello! Please give me a job!

I admit I'm not great at marketing myself (it just feels so awkward and annoying), but I know that's my only option at this point. Groan. I can't stand (what I feel to be) hounding people. My mom says (gah, how middle school am I?) the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I suppose I'll have to houn, er, squeak away.

Wish me luck?

with my mouth so full of questions

I've been wrestling with God lately.

And by lately I mean months and months and months.

See, I like to do things my own way. I like to be in control. It'll come as no surprise then that relinquishing said control is not an easy thing for me to do. Even though I don't make the best decisions, I still can't seem to trust that He'll do a better job. Even typing this now, I don't trust Him. I don't even trust myself. How sad is that?

Yes, I am a constant work in progress.

I mentioned yesterday that I've been going through a particularly difficult time over the past week. And while I feel my anxiety level has lowered the teensiest of bits, I know I'm not out of the woods. Anyway, I found myself reading the lyrics to Ray LaMontagne's "Hold You In My Arms," purely by chance. I know the song, sure, but as I sat here reading the words, it hit me: holy shit, this is exactly what I needed to see. My eyes welled up and I fought back tears as I thought to myself, "Okay, God, I can maybe kind of see that you're trying to get through to me here. Maybe. Kind of."

I don't profess to be a big believer in signs, but I know I'm always subconsciously looking out for them. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I need it to be. Maybe I need to take this to heart and, metaphorically, let myself fall into His arms. I hear that's the safest place to be.

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears,

It was easy to see you'd been crying

Seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe reigns

But who really profits from the dying?

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you in my arms forever

When you kiss my lips with my mouth so full of questions,

It's my worried mind that you quiet

Place your hands on my face,

Close my eyes and say, "Love is a poor man's food, don't prophesy"

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold on forever

I could hold you in my arms

I could you in my arms forever

So now we see how it is

This fist begets the spear

Weapons of war, symptoms of madness

Don't let your eyes refuse to see

Don't let your ears refuse to hear

Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness

Powerful, that's all I have to say.

goals

As I drove to work this morning, I listened to Explosions in the Sky's The Only Moment We Were Alone (side note: I so want to walk down the aisle to this song when I get married -- Mitchell, you have been informed), hoping that by listening to beautiful music I'd start to de-stress.

I have been having a hell of a week.

To be honest, I don't want to get into it. The only thing you need to know is I've been stressed, more stressed that I've ever been in my life, and definitely more stressed than I ever hope to be again. Anxiety attacks have become a daily norm (not cool, omg) and it's really starting to take a toll on me, my mind, my body, etc. The worst part about it is I don't know what to do to stop it. I can't just take my mind of it and I can't find a way to distract myself. It's horrible in a confused, lost, sleepless, miserable kind of way. Cute, right?

Anyway, as I was saying, this morning on my way to a shoot, I spent the entire drive listening to Explosions, which always seems to take me somewhere beautiful, and I decided to make a goals list (thanks, iPhone, for your Notes feature). I wrote them in no particular order, just as they happened to pop into my head and, even though my list of goals has nothing to do with my pesky little near-heart-attack-inducing problem, it made me smile. It just felt nice. :)

• See Explosions in the Sky live (in Austin or elsewhere)
• Backpack across Europe (Mitch and I have already decided that if/when we get married, this is what we'll do for our honeymoon)
• Start a family tradition
• Work in/at a job I love
• Join the Junior League (in progress)
• Live in another state
• Throw someone a surprise party
• Write for pleasure
• Name a dog "Duncan"
• Learn to make chicken fried steak (as delicious as my grandmother's)
• Roadtrip across (at least part of) America
• Read more books by Kurt Vonnegut
• Let GOD be my source of calm & peace (yikes, this one seems too tough)

when the world has fallen out from under me, i'll be found in You, still standing.

(source)

weekend.

Is it really Monday already?

I fully expected this weekend to dull me to tears, but it ended up flying by! Gotta love that. Saturday night my friend Kelsey and I ended up having an impromptu slumber party at my house, complete with my dog, Clark Kent, and her too-cute-for-words puppy, Hazel. Needless to say, Clark and Hazel are totes besties and played for hours, which made us very happy. I haven't had a slumber party in I don't even know how long, so it was fun to have some girl time with my sweet friend complete with Mad Dog (Kelsey's first MD 20/20 experience, holla!), Now & Then, and silly wedding talk, obvi.

The next day, Hazel was hungover from all the wrestling fun, as evidenced by this picture Kelsey texted to me:


Tuckered the hell out.

Oh, and Mitch shot a deer (while off hunting with our dads). Yay!

I have worked very hard to be proud of this, ie. not cry for the deer. And, yes, Mitch looks stylin' with his athletic shorts and mountain man beard.

On Sunday I ended up driving out to Forney for Mitch's little sister Morgan's senior pictures (basically this was a female-filled weekend). Morgan is 17, graduating in May (and then heading off to Texas State!), and a bit of a brat, but I love her. Mary (Mitch's mom) and I spent four hours following Morgan and the photographer around, making funny (me) and encouraging (Mary) comments. It was really fun for me to play assistant during the shoot since, duh, that's what I do for a living (I use the phrase "for a living" loosely). I'm excellent at fixing bangs, bra straps, and necklace clasps. Go me.

Fedora. I actually really like this one.

Wowww, WORK IT, Morgan.

As I've already said on Facebook, you are straight thuggin' in that mink.

Morgan is beautiful, no?

I vote she uses these for her grad announcements (for obvious reasons, haaa).

I know I've mentioned before Morgan and I's tentative BFFship, but I think it's safe to say we've once again shared a bonding experience. To commemorate the occasion (and make her feel uncomfortable), I bought us matching necklaces. HA. Mine has the letter M stamped on it, and Morgan's has the letter A. We were cute and wore them all yesterday evening. :) She loves it. I hope.

Annnnnd because I'm not very good at concluding blog posts...I'll just say everyone have a great week! :)

what's my name? (not again)

i just really love this picture of us for some reason :)
...
hey, boy, i really wanna see
if you can go downtown with a girl like me
hey, boy, i really wanna be
with you 'cause you're just my type
oh nah nah nah nah
i need a boy to take it over,
looking for a guy to put in work
ohhhhhhhhhhhohhhhhhhhhhh

baby, you got me
and [there] ain't nowhere i'd [rather] be
than with your arms around me
back & forth you rock me
so i surrender to every word you whisper
every door you enter, i'll let you in

you're so amazing
you took the time to figure me out
that's why you take me way past the point of turning me on
you're about to break me
i swear, you've got me losing my mind :)

I love it when I hear a new song that hits me at just the right moment. I'm home alone this weekend and the quiet of this big house is already getting to me, so I left for a drive a few minutes ago. I just needed to get out, go somewhere, do something, even for just a second. Anyway, this (new?) song by Rihanna featuring Drake, What's My Name?, came on the radio and I fell in love. Something about it just moves me. Isn't that the most fantastic thing about music? It's ability to shake our core?

Mitch Baker, I hope you are having a great time hunting with my dad this weekend, but I miss you. Every day I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I feel so lucky to just know and be known by you. I know it's silly to think of you while jamming to Rihanna and Drake, but what can I say? I think about you all the time.

Happy Friday and happy weekend! :)

regarding unemployment

Today was the most holy-shit-I'm-unemployed day ever.

It's been nearly a year since I graduated (oh my GOD, let's not even dwell on how far I have not come), I'm (mostly) unemployed, and today exhaling was the most stressful activity in which I engaged. I didn't realize how sad it was until I noticed it was 4:30 in the afternoon and I was drinking a beer while watching Gilmore Girls. In my pajamas. The pajamas I also wore all day yesterday. I think it goes without saying I hadn't showered.

Seriously, Universe? This is my life?

Well, all right.

Yesterday was one of those rough days, the kind of day where hopelessness and depression sneak up on you, club you over the head and drag you far, far away into a dark cave where all you can do is cry and feel sorry for yourself. But at some point last night I reached a point where I knew I had to just kind of accept my life for what it is at the moment. And it seems funny to say but I feel like there'll be a day where I miss this place I'm in, the lack of real responsibilities (comparatively), 6am alarms, and the ablily to go two whole days in sweatpants (without being fired). This is probably the most freedom I'll ever have, so...embrace it.

That's not say I aim to stay here forever.

Duh.

Although at this point it doesn't really seem to matter what my aims are, but let's not go down that road...

My point is, yea, today was pretty pathetic. And, yea, I didn't seem like much of an adult spending my afternoon crying during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition instead of working. And, yea, I have absolutely no idea when or how my life will change (ie. when the world will stop kicking me in the metaphorical nuts). But I have a place to sleep, clothes to wear, food to eat, and, whatthefuckever, I got to drink a beer at 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon. Things can't be too terrible.

In other (somewhat-relateable) news, I think Ziegen Bock Amber is rapidly becoming my favorite beer. Sorry, Tecate. You'll always have a place in my heart.

mishmash: november

In the spirit of echoing everyone else in the world, it's November!

Can you even believe it?

There's something always strangely exciting about starting a new month; perhaps it's the thought of a new beginning, the possibility of a fresh start. Whatever it is, it's already put a spring in my step.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I ordered these earrings from an Etsy shop called Milk Money. They arrived early last week and, yes, they are perfect! I thought about taking a picture of them on my ear(s?) but, to be frank, was too lazy. Anyway, they look just as lovely in person as they did in the picture and I am beyond pleased. Seriously, Milk Money is a ridiculously fabulous little shop. This was my second time ordering from Bethany, the creator, and she was sweet enough to give me a 15% off discount for being a repeat customer. Yes! Even without such a thoughtful gesture, Bethany genuinely seems (from the little information shared via her Etsy profile) like she has a love of people and creating (something I really respect). Oh, and she's speedy -- I got the earrings only a few days after I placed my order! As someone who's notoriously impatient, I love this.

I think these will be my next two purchases (and very soon...I just can't help myself):


Czech glass bead stud earrings - I actually bought these for my friend Kelley's birthday back in May, but I like them so much, I want a pair of my own.

We Make A Great Pear locket ring - ummmmmm...LOVE this.

Oh, Milk Money, you are so adorable that I don't even mind spending the little money I have on your pretty things that make me feel pretty in turn. :)

I hope everyone had a fun Halloween weekend! Mine was spent in Nacogdoches with Mitch and some friends, tailgating (Saturday) and recovering (Sunday). Neither Mitch nor I could come up with any great costume ideas, so we were pretty lame. To be fair, however, our friend Hogan was dressed as a male hula dancer and there was really no way anyone was going to top that.

Currently I'm trying to find a way to get the pictures off this camera. Halfway to Nac I realized I had forgotten mine, but luckily I was able to borrow Hogan's...which means I don't have the right cord(s) for uploading. Damnit. Don't worry, I haven't given up yet. I'm really hoping I can figure this out myself without having to drive (an hour away) to Hogan's.

Oh, and I wanted to share a link I saw yesterday on a blog I read, My Teacups in Peony. Apparently The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click/donate daily so they can get enough free food donated for all the abused and neglected animals they take in. All you do is head over to their website and click on the purple box that says, "Click Here to Give - it's FREE!" One click provides roughly enough food for six animals, and you can visit/click every day! Anyway, I'm totally an animal (read: dog) person, and this really broke my heart. I've already visited yesterday and today! I'm so glad Nicole posted this for others to see.

All right, back to the task at hand: figuring out a way to get these damn pictures uploaded to my computer. Happy Monday, y'all, and happy first day of November!