And by lately I mean months and months and months.
See, I like to do things my own way. I like to be in control. It'll come as no surprise then that relinquishing said control is not an easy thing for me to do. Even though I don't make the best decisions, I still can't seem to trust that He'll do a better job. Even typing this now, I don't trust Him. I don't even trust myself. How sad is that?
Yes, I am a constant work in progress.
I mentioned yesterday that I've been going through a particularly difficult time over the past week. And while I feel my anxiety level has lowered the teensiest of bits, I know I'm not out of the woods. Anyway, I found myself reading the lyrics to Ray LaMontagne's "Hold You In My Arms," purely by chance. I know the song, sure, but as I sat here reading the words, it hit me: holy shit, this is exactly what I needed to see. My eyes welled up and I fought back tears as I thought to myself, "Okay, God, I can maybe kind of see that you're trying to get through to me here. Maybe. Kind of."
I don't profess to be a big believer in signs, but I know I'm always subconsciously looking out for them. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I need it to be. Maybe I need to take this to heart and, metaphorically, let myself fall into His arms. I hear that's the safest place to be.
When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears,
It was easy to see you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn, catastrophe reigns
But who really profits from the dying?
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you in my arms forever
When you kiss my lips with my mouth so full of questions,
It's my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face,
Close my eyes and say, "Love is a poor man's food, don't prophesy"
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could you in my arms forever
So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war, symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness
Powerful, that's all I have to say.
1 comment:
Amazing. Girl I have been struggling with the same exact battle. When times get tough for me I find myself turning to anything and everything but Him. Sadly I know it is because I am not trusting that He is in control and He will take care of everything. Then when you are so distant it is hard to see the path that leads you back to the light, but it is there. :)
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