i can't win

tell me, what did i do to make you hate me so much?
why're you angry all the time?
why do you wanna run from me?
we used to make love
when you called, i would follow
now the only thing you love is a bottle
the only thing you've got left is a shadow

don't let this shit come between us

i'm wrong, you're right

it's okay with my heart

but it's not how it's supposed to be

you always say, "i'm done, we're finished"

fuck it: i'm wrong, you're right

please, God, help us

i guess i'm gonna leave it up to you tonight

[he] ain't bluffin'
[he's] gonna do it
i think it's time for me to face to the music
i could really give a damn about my pride
but the way you're acting is stupid
you're going back and forth with the lies, never compromise
if you love me better, prove it
i can't win
i can't win for losing

it don't even matter if you scream and yell
you don't love me
you don't love yourself
but it don't matter if you're raising hell: i miss you
i wanna kiss you
i can't remember who you are
remember when your heart used to say, "love me, baby"?
love me, baby

i'm not trying to waste our love

i'm just trying to save what's left of it

one day

one day, my love

you're gonna realize that you fucked up

and when that day comes, my love

i'm gonna be the same one, still loving [you]

how're you gonna cancel me out?

for the moments i feel faint

I'm in the middle of packing right now and I stumbled across a note I wrote to myself a few months ago.  My initial instinct was just to throw it away along with all the other papers and notes and miscellaneous receipts I keep for no real reason whatsoever.  But then I stopped and read it.

And re-read it.

And damn if it didn't make me feel better.

So, for the moments I feel faint, I'll try to keep in mind everything it says.

• "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You." - Isaiah 26:3

EVERYTHING is OKAY!

• it's just shark week
• THERE IS NO REAL DANGER!  THERE IS NO REAL THREAT!
• it's just ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING!
• given enough time, everything works out :)
• be COMPASSIONATE
• people are going to say, do, think, and feel whatever they want -- it's NOT MY FAULT and there's NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE THEM; all I can do is be the best version of myself NO MATTER WHAT!
• "Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction.  BREAK THE HABIT. Talk about your joys." - Rita Schiano
• don't overthink it - just let it go :)
• "NOTHING is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles." - Charlie Chaplin
• give myself a break; allow myself to accept and feel uncomfortable emotions and positively, healthily, maturely DEAL WITH THEM
• I don't have to always get it right, and that's okay
• "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher [and stronger] than I." - Psalm 61:2
• "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away." - Revelation 21:4
• "DAUGHTER, be of good COMFORT for your faith makes you WHOLE!" - Matthew 9:22

can't stop, won't stop: april 2013

Okay, so, I haven't even put one of these together in a long time -- like, what?  2 years? -- and it's only the second day of April, but I can't stop/won't stop listening to the following jams (so, duh, I had to "share"):

Great I Am by New Life Worship
Wagon Wheel by Darius Rucker (although the renditions by both Old Crow Medicine Show and Matt Andersen are fantastic as well)
Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips
Stay by Rihanna
WOP by J. Dash (because I don't care who knows it, I want to dance like Miley)
And the majority of Ke$ha's Warrior album (no shame), but my personal favorites have got to be C'Mon and Crazy Kids.  Cannot.  Get.  Enough.

Rawr.

...

In other news, guess what's really hard?  Being an adult.  And trying to figure out where I want to live or who I should slash should not date.  Because, basically, every time I think I know my ass from a hole in the ground, I realize that I most certainly do not.

And it's normal to be discouraged slash frustrated slash overwhelmed by that.

Right?