Why, then, do I have time to write this today? Well, I shall tell you: currently I am rapidly getting myself ready for another rousing day as an art sub. Yesterday morning I subbed for a pre-K class until 10:45 and in the afternoon I subbed for an art class at 1 (same classes I'll be working with today). Awesome.
And because I don't have too much time left until I have to be at school surrounded by a swarm of first graders demanding to be taught how to draw a horse (seriously), I'll just share the following recent tweets from my Twitter feed. Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaa. I'm full of gems like:
Today a 3rd grader showed up to picture day wearing a three-piece suit, winked at me and whispered "call me, babe" as he was leaving. PIMP.
An 8th grader was a dick to me when I asked him to take off his sunglasses, so I didn't tell him his fly was down before I took his picture.
via Chromed Bird
Second year interviewing with the principal at Furlough Middle School. Here we go again. Better luck this time??
The Unit. AND LOKOS.
I love that Clark is the favorite at our vet. :) But I mean, duh. Sweetest dog in the whole world!
Cranium, mandible, clavicle, scapula, ribs, vertebrae, pelvis, coccyx, femur, patella, tibia. Ulna. Humerus. Thanks, 7th grade science.
Thing I Just Learned The Hard Way: how not to spit out the window of a moving vehicle.
Not quite sure why we're blasting house music while the kids jog and warm up, but I just watched a third grader hump the ground. #ummmmm
Pre-K has already been quite the adventure this morning, complete with a stray dog on the playground that followed me INTO THE SCHOOL.
There's a good chance my fly's been down all morning.
"I'm drawing a baby killing a devil worshipper!" - a second grader in my art class. My response? "Wow! That's...specific..."
Yes, I accidentally let a stray dog into an elementary school yesterday. I hope whoever reviews their security cameras gets a nice laugh outta six minutes of me chasing a fucking dog around the atrium while silently praying to God that no one would come out of the office and see me. Not exactly the way I'd like to be remembered here.
And yes, I apparently rocked the open fly all morning. I'm actually pretty grateful none of my preschoolers pointed it out as that would have been possibly more embarrassing. Instead, they remained oblivious and clung to me with Play-Doh and ink-coated hands, meaning that I, too, was coated in Play-Doh and ink. And while we're on that note, why in the world would you ever give four-year olds a giant ink pad? Seriously? THIS was your idea of a great activity? Because instead of let's neatly make caterpillars with our fingerprints!, the activity instantly became let's stick our entire hands in the huge pad of lime green ink and then touch everyone & everything other than the paper in front of us!
I have green ink on my face. IT WON'T WASH OFF.
Sorry, Glenhope Elementary. I let rogue animals wandar your halls while looking sloppy and irresponsible. Interested in hiring me full time?! Yea, I thought so.
PS: Feel free to join me in breathing a sigh of relief for breaks not being break-ups. A-whoooooooooop. Kisses!
PPS: Stayed tuned for more quality blog shit, including even more obxiouslly boring sub stories as well as an anniversary shout out. Also, writing "stay tuned" made me feel like an arrogant asshole. My bad.
PPPS: Thanks for all the love, support and encouragement, y'all. I really am touched and blessed by each and every one of y'all. :)