tear it open, let the rain fall in

photo credit: caroline sweatt

...
oh, my love
help me open up my heart again
tear it open
let the rain fall in
wash this hardness underneath my skin

oh, my love
let me hear your voice come through
i wanna know the love inside of you
make this dark heart believe in what is true

i know that in the dark there's a fear of letting go
i know it in my heart that i fear what i don't know

happy hour

My blog friend, Joelle, over at Where We Love Is Home has this really fun blog party on Fridays called Happy Hour. You're already interested, right? Just because it's called Happy Hour and that makes you think of booze, right? I KNOW.





Anyway, every Friday over at Where We Love Is Home you can link up, talk about what you're drinking (or what you'd like to be drinking) today, and also find some other neat-o bloggers. It's simple to participate, so I definitely recommend that you click on over and join. While you're there, go ahead and wish her a happy belated birthday, why don't ya?


So. Some highlights from my week?

• My little blog here turned one on Tuesday!

• I forgot to take out my eyebrow ring* at a sub job one morning this week and the bitchy assistant principal came down to my classroom and called me out while giving me the stank eye. Womp womppp.

• Mitch bought me this adorable painting (by Lindsey over at Paint Me a Picture) for Valentine's Day and yesterday I ordered him a matching one (in different colors, of course). Our plan is to hang each below our framed diplomas since the hearts are painted near where our college towns are located. :) Cheesy? Whatev.

• Pete continues to be a pervy-pervert.

• Obedience school ended and I finally posted a picture of Matthew Broderick trainer.

• Last night I went to the movies with my friend Kelsey and we saw Just Go With It. Y'all. This was so cute. We both really loved it, and it has such a badass soundtrack. I'm currently in the process of trying to track it down (you know how I do).

• I'm way obsessed with this picture of the four of us (even what with Clark Kent looking like a roaring dinosaur and all).

Is it 4 o'clock yet? Bring on the after-school margs, y'all. And don't forget to stop by Joelle's blog! :)

*Eyebrow rings are awesome and I don't care what anyone else says. SUCK IT, HATERS.

unacceptable

This is the face of a pervert.

Today I came home to find that Pete had eaten and/or destroyed six pairs of my underwear. Ahem, my DIRTY underwear. Perv- to the -ERT, dude. Apparently while I was off working like a chump so I can afford to feed that ungrateful little bastard, he was busy rummaging through my laundry and chomping on my delicates, proving once again that he is interested in very little other than a. food and b. my underwear.

So, basically Mitch in dog-form.

Sorry, Mitchell.

EVERYONE WAS ALREADY THINKING IT.

Mitch in high school/ohmygod you're disgustingggg.

here's to friends in need and friends indeed

Just a little Ray to start my Thursday off the way I like it: slow and sweet.

if it's a friend you need, let it be me


PS: I just realized that this past Tuesday was my one year blogiversary. Yay! Happy birthday, little blog! Who knew when I started you just to cope with the misery of being an accounts receivable coordinator for a TRUCKING COMPANY (where at times every single person in my office left early for the day to go skeet shooting...ahhhh, first grown-up jobs...) that you'd become such a lovely part of my life. :)

can't stop, won't stop: february

My current playlist I'm crushing on so hard that I can't stop/won't stop listening to it on repeat? I thought you'd never ask:

• Look At Me Now by Chris Brown feat. Lil' Wayne and Busta Rhymes
• By Your Side by Sade
• Bad Bitch by Webbie (it jams pretty hard, whatev)
• Stay Here Forever by Jewel
• Glee's cover of both Bills, Bills, Bills and When I Get You Alone (SWOOOOOOOON)

Happy Wednesday, y'all. :)

i'm alive, i swear: post-birthday edition

Let me just start off by saying that between substitute teaching, living in Forney during the week and my birthday festivities, I have spent only two nights in my own bed over the course of the past three weeks. Say what??

Things have been crazy, y'all, but crazy-good.

I had so enjoyed getting into the practice of writing nearly every day and, let's face it, as a writer, that's beyond important, but with everything that's been going on, I've found literally no time to even check anyone else's blogs let alone post on my own. I don't care if it's weird, but that's been tough. Anyway...

This will just be a mishmash post since a lot has happened during my brief hiatus. Let's get on with it:


Substitute Teaching...
...is a total dream. I love it. The more I sub the more I'm convinced I'm supposed to be a teacher...but the less I'm convinced I'm supposed to work for a district. What I mean is I've started worrying over the past three weeks that maybe I'm too out there to be a regular ol' teacher. I definitely don't like being put into a box, wading through red tape, etc. I just want to be able to do what I want when I want and blahblahblah I'm apparently a rebellious sixteen-year old all over again and YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY GOSH. Being a substitute teacher is so freeing because I don't have to be regular; I can let the kids sit on the floor while they work. I can hug them when the day is over (okay, I'm technically not allowed to do that, but when a sweet kid runs at me full-force and throws their arms around me, I'm not going to push them away, duh). I can say "suck it" in casual conversation. I can have a tattoo. Okay, so, again, technically maybe I'm not allowed to do any of those things either, but I do and the kids love me. And the other teachers love me. And I'm doing a great job. No, Mom, that's not me being full of myself; that's recognizing when I'm good at something, which is rare, so let me have my moment. Jeeeeeez.

I could honestly go on and on and on about all this (seriously, ask any of my annoyed friends), but I'll save it for another day. Besides, I can already feel myself getting all worked up and it's too early in the morning for a stress rash.


Obedience School...
...is over! And, yes, Pete graduated! So what if it was a pity, you-paid-the-money-so-I-guess-we'll-pass-him kind of graduation, it still counts. And he even wore one of those totally lame and adorable mortar boards. Duh, I took a bazillion pictures. Way to go, Pete! You can roll over, but you still swipe food off the kitchen counters and rip my mom's plants out of the ground.

We just really wanted to make this whole get-a-picture-while-Pete's-wearing-a-graduation-cap thing work.

Awkward.

What an adorable family pic, complete with what appears to be Clark Kent having a goddamn seizure. Way to ruin it, CLARK.

MATTHEW BRODERICK TRAINER! Thanks, Scott, for indulging our creepiness and taking a picture with us.

Oh yea, and a picture of the infamous Mia. Bitch.


My Birthday...
...was last Wednesday, the 16th, and I am officially (not) old. What up, 24! Show me what you've got! No, but seriously, so far being twenty-four is all right. The weekend before, a bunch of my friends got together for an impromptu house party which made us all feel like we were in college again, followed by (even more?) drinks and karaoke. I'd never realized I actually knew all the words to If You Wanna Be My Lover until we sang it because, let's face it, the Spicegirls are total crowd-pleasers. Then later I fell off a curb by a valet stand and into a muddy ditch. Mature. This past weekend, however, I trekked down to visit my best friends in Austin for a little post-birthday celebration. That's what happens when your actual birth day falls on a shitty Wednesday -- you get two birthday weekends. Anyway, it was pretty chill, but we did venture out to West 6th Street on Saturday night where I only spent eight dollars because some thirty-two year old Persian dudes came out of nowhere and bought us shots. One of them's birthday was the day after mine and he only hit on me a little, so I felt like it was okay to hang with them. No worries, Mitch has been informed and dare I say he's proud of me? Later while stopped at a red light we screamed out the car windows at an awkward couple until they made out. I repeat: mature.

And since I am still camera-less (read: DEPRESSED), I have no pictures from this past weekend. Instead please enjoy this throwback picture of my BFFs and I from our graduation night, December 2009:

We only deceptively have our shit together.

So, in a nutshell, that's what's been going down in Texas, y'all.

Howdy. I'm Andrea. I'm a twenty-four year old substitute teacher in Dallas, girlfriend to a man who should never under any circumstances be left alone with hair clippers as he will forget to leave himself sideburns, friend to bangin' yet equally immature twenty-somethings, and mother to two of the world's most thieving, conniving dogs.

And this is my universe.

for kelsey

Y'all, today is Kelsey's not-21st birthday. Holla.

Kelsey, me and Harrison after an Ol' Ags crush party, spring 2009 and proof that I've third-wheeled with them for what feels like forever
(note: It's true -- I even third-wheeled it into their surprise engagement party this past December. EMBARRASSING.)
I've mentioned her several times via this blog as she is one of my very closest friends. You may recall her as the girl I spend my Jerzdays with. We met through her now fiancé, Harrison, back when they first started dating in the fall of 2008. I was dating one of Harrison's good friends at the time and, as a result, we all spent quite a bit of time together. Even after Harrison's friend and I split, the friendships between myself and the friends I had met through that relationship continued on, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Santa's Wonderland, Christmas 2008
We've known each other for years now, but the past year in particular has brought us closer together than we ever were in college. Being that we both live in Dallas, Kelsey and I (and Harrison, too -- we just can't seem to get ride of that guy) began spending more time together, whether it be couples' game night, going away for a weekend at Lake Granbury, sitting with me while I got my tattoo, scouting an 80s cover band, or simply spending every Thursday together watching the Jerz.

Jersey Shore party, September 2010
(Note: Kelsey made those awesome glasses I'm rocking)
In December, Kelsey and Harrison got engaged, by the way, and I'm entirely too interested in their wedding planning, maybe even more so than Harry. C'mon, August 11, 2012!

And Kelsey, seriously...if you can convince Harrison to let you have an adult flower girl...you know I'm all over that shit. Just sayin'.

Finally.
You know, moving back home after graduation last December was something I really dreaded, especially since all of my friends had moved to Austin. However, Kelsey living nearby and having the opportunity to deepen our friendship has been one of my greatest joys. She's smart, fun, beautiful, and damn crafts-y (seriously, she can make anything out of anything, it's ridic). I look forward to Thurdsays every week and I think she'd agree that we're both pretty blessed by the bromance going on between our boys. :)

So today (and this post!) is for you, Kelsey. I wouldn't have made it through my first year back in Dallas without you, your love and support. Happy birthday and I love you!

They are a very attractive couple.

a collection of facts & feelings: february

Sometimes there is nothing better than spending an evening lying in bed watching Friends re-runs on DVD.

Last week at my substitute teaching orientation, I won a raffle. I think that's probably my first time to win anything. Ever.

Also at last week's substitute teaching orientation, at one point our presenter said (for whatever reason), "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," and the woman next to me replied, That shit ain't true. I got a now six-year old from my last trip to Vegas. Shoot. Wow.

Having Yeah 3x as my ringtone hasn't diminished my love for that song, which has been a delightful surprise. It's pretty great.

I'm over snow days.

I don't even recognize you anymore, Dallas.

I got hit on at a high school today. Twice. And should I have corrected the young men, reprimanding them regarding the inappropriateness of speaking to a teacher in that manner? Probably. But did I? Absolutely not. I think I said thanks and winked. Who's inappropriate now? Oops.

Two of my closest friends both have birthdays next week and I couldn't be more excited. :) Yay February birthdays!

Living not at home (even temporarily) is strange and I hate how unstable my life feels as of late, but I have to admit there's something refreshing about moving out, even if it is only for a week. Or two. Or who knows. What a mess.

Sometimes I'm appalled by how unhealthily I eat. Embarrassing.

My biggest fears? Falling into insurmountable debt, being fat, and braving the deaths of the people I love most. Shudder.

Speaking of people I love the most, I had a startling, possibly terrible revelation the other day: I'm not a big family person. I suppose I should explain lest everyone start casting virtual stones, but I'm not really sure I understand it either. My familial relationships have been pretty transitive, with the exception of my mother and a few others. My parents split when I was five, I've had two step-dads since then, and my real father and I haven't spoken in nearly three years. Where's the connection, the bond? What's family about that?

My mother and I are in the middle of a battle. I'll give you that much. And she said something to me last weekend that I've been thinking about ever since: she said, You're not a part of this family. What she meant is that I don't act as I'm a part of our family. And you know what? She's probably right. I'm fairly independent (see: only child, raised by a single mother) and my familial life has been fairly inconsistent. I'm not pointing fingers and I don't blame anyone for that; it's just the way things are, have always been. And as a result I feel disconnected from the idea of family.

I love my parents and grandparents and aunt and uncles and cousins. I really do. And I'm not saying I don't feel close to or bonded with them. It's just that...there's something terrifyingly intimate about family and over the years I feel as if something inside me has shifted away from that intimacy. I want all those things; I want family and togetherness and unity, but, I'll just say it: I want it on my own terms.

How horrible does that make me?

I've been struggling a lot this week with those thoughts and revelations. Mitch and I had a big heart to heart the other night over it, and let me be clear: I can't wait to have a family with that man. I really can't, and nothing about that scares me. I suppose what I'm looking forward to the most about the life and family Mitch and I will one day create is that we'll get to do things our way, and hopefully we can avoid a lot of the mistakes our own parents and families have made.

I realize this has gotten a bit deep and jumbled, but my heart is heavy, my mind cluttered.

It's just strange to wake up one day and see yourself in such a new, unflattering light. And I'm not completely sure what to do with these thoughts. Do I fix them? How? Do I even want to?

See what I mean?

Mind = cluttered. Ugh.

And on that note, I know only God can bring clarity...but when?

please sign if you love miss townsend

Y'all, seriously, it's been a week since I've blogged and I feel like a perfect stranger in the blogosphere right about now.

The weekend and past several days have been busy (and, okay, a bit...tumultuous?). The high points included me already getting called a bazillion times to substitute teach, Mitch and I going to a Mavs game on Saturday night (which they won!), and having the past two days off work due to Dallas' version of Snowmaggedon. Well, Icemaggedon? Whatev. The point is DFW has all but completely shut down since yesterday morning when the entire metroplex was coated with very slick, very dangerous ice. And remember, we're TEXANS, y'all. We don't know what the shit to do in this weather.

And the low points of the weekend/week?

We won't get into those, but I will say I haven't been home all week and instead have been camping out (with my two energetic, very confused dogs) at Mitch's family's house. It's been...cozy. No, seriously, it's been fine and even relaxing to have spent the past several days all together watching Law & Order for hours on end.

Anyway, what I really wanted to tell y'all was that I had my first subbing assignment on Monday! I got the call at 5:30 AM saying a sub was needed at a nearby elementary school to cover sixth grade social studies for the day, was I interested in the job? UMMMMM YES PLEASE.

Now, let me backtrack a little bit: I was NERVOUS. And, okay, cranky from being nervous. I'd never subbed before. What if I did it wrong? What if the kids hated me and wouldn't listen and I managed the burn the whole school to the ground? I don't know, whatever. Turns out I was making a way bigger deal out of the whole thing than I needed to because it.was.AWESOME. I wish I could sub every day for the rest of my life. Why? Probably because I don't have to be regular teacher so I get to say things like, Yo, broski, close your mouth, and So...I'm Miss Townsend...and I'll be your sub today...WHAT UP. You know, the usual.

I didn't pay them to write this.

On that note, I think I'm figuring out that I just don't know how to talk to kids. I felt like I said a lot of weird things throughout my day as a sub? But, praise God, the kids seemed to love me, if only because I referred to Lil' Wayne as Weezy, baby and "wasn't 80 years old and ugly" (this apparently has been a "big problem" for the students in the past...what?). I also let each of the four classes pick team names for the day so instead of yelling HEY SIXTH GRADERS to get their attention, I got to yell things like VIPERS! ASSEMBLE! and HEYYYY LITTLE MONSTERS! (yep, Gaga-style)

Coolest sub ever?

Possibly.

After erasing the board at lunch, the second half of the day lead to this. And it's totally okay that it made me fee like a rockstar. Jealous?

The (shallow, ego-boosting) highlight of my day had to be when one of the problem kids in the class came up to me and said I was the prettiest sub they'd ever seen. Thanks, buddy! I also got home that afternoon and had ELEVEN FRIEND REQUESTS on Facebook. I didn't even know elementary school students had Facebooks? Anyway, Mitch told me I'm not allowed to accept them because of the whole teacher-student thing, which makes me sad, but I guess I understand. Meh.

All this to say subbing is great and, so far, one of the most fun things I've ever done. EVER. And while snow days are also great, I've actually been bummed to not have had the chance to work the past two days. Here's to hoping things return to normal tomorrow and I can get back at it. :)


PS: Weirdest comment of the day? One of girls (who was suuuuper strange, by the way, and kept STARING at me and saying, soooooo, do I freak you out?) came up to me, hugged me and said, After school, will you take me to Chili's and buy me a virgin margarita? Wtf?

PPS: My response? No. Why are you weird? Hey, at least I'm honest.