green eyes

i have a crush on this picture (source)

...

i came here with a load and

it feels so much lighter now i've met you
and, honey, you should know

that i could never go on without you :)

happy birthday, mitch!

Today is Mitch's 22nd birthday (a-whoop!) and I am understandably more excited than he is. I was getting tired of being 23 and dating a 21-year old. Puh-lease. Twenty-two makes it sound much more acceptable, in my book. Excitement! I love birthdays!



Boyfriend, I find you fiercely sexy...

...even when you need help walking down a flight of stairs after a night at Dukes...


...but less so when you dress up as a cheerleader.

Anyway, today is for you, dear Mitchell. I know you are in Nac and working while most of your friends are in other cities (or countries, for that matter -- damn study abroad!), but fear not! Thursday night you shall be with us again and this weekend we will celebrate the hell outta your birthday! Not like last year, though. Your 21st birthday was your one free pass and the only time I'll ever clean up your vomit. You have been warned.

Thanks for being great with my parents...


...and helping us be Best Couple in every inappropriate situation...


...and for looking so effortlessly handsome all the damn time.

I can't wait to see you in three days and give you your presents. Happy birthday! I love you! Oh, and sorry for being supermegafucking gay and posting this on my blog. Whatever.

grownup problems and other nonsense

Job hunting is a major drag.

I had a meeting on Tuesday with the bigshot HR director of a the school district I currently live in (a friend of a family member called in a favor, no shame), and it went splendidly. But there are no jobs. This country is just overrun with teachers, and I'm, let's be honest, starting to panic. I sat there for an hour, answered all the interview questions as honestly and intelligently as a I could and received amazing feedback. She said I was spot on. She said it was clear I have raw talent, that I'm intuitive, that I have what makes the difference between a good teacher and a great teacher. And while all this should encourage me, it frustrates me instead.

If I'm "born to be a teacher," if I'm doing everything right...

...then what's wrong?

the land of eternal youth

I'm leaving for College Station late this afternoon/early this evening and I'm so excited, I may vomit. I haven't been back since my brother's wedding which, I know, wasn't a long time ago, but the purpose of that trip wasn't to see my friends. And so I didn't really get to. Whereas...now I get to!

Things I'm Ecstatic About:

• LA. BO. DE. GA. Peach shakers!!
• Girlygirlfraaands (such as sweet Alex and silly Jordan!)
• The two bottles of wine in Jordan's fridge (and, let's be serious, probably some Mad Dog Bling Bling Blue Raspberry & blue Gatorade, my personal favorite)
• Northgate. Duh.
• Pool + margs + trashy gossip magazines
• Mostly drinking-related activities and adventures
• Hopefully spotting some 2014-ers and laughing at them (while secretly feeling old)

I'm trying to hurry and get all my tasks wrapped up here in Grapevine so I can be on my way as soon as possible. Ahhhhhhhh! I have got to get a grip, but seriously...being up in Dallas can feel so isolating sometimes, and I'm really just thankful to have the opportunity to spend time with my girls.

Oh, but the one thing I'm Not Ecstatic About Because I'm Missing Out On: Guys' Weekend in Nac.

Right, it would make sense I'm not participating in this since, well, I'm not a guy. But Mitch's friend Trevor dubbed me an honorary dude and I think that should count for something. Homeboy peed in front of me as I was putting on mascara in the bathroom. And chatted with me the entire time. I'm in the club for life.

sweet disposition

I've got an embarrassing case of wedding fever. I know. That's not cute, but I can't help it. I feel like all I've been to, seen, heard about, talked about, and watched are weddings. It's even shocking, really, how many movies include wedding scenes. Or perhaps I'd never really noticed until now. Maybe it's like that thing where you don't realize anyone drives silver Izuzu Rodeos until you're driving a silver Izuzu Rodeo and suddenly you're seemingly surrounded by them.

Anyway, I saw (and have not been able to stop watching) this adorable wedding video that I stumbled upon today, via Green Wedding Shoes. Can I also just say that if I ever get married I hope I wear green wedding shoes? Or possibly blue. Or yellow. Something fun! Note: not only am I currently obsessed with weddings, but I am also obsessed with the idea of wearing fun, fabulous shoes beneath a wedding dress. Someone stop me.

The song that plays during the majority of the video is "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap. I believe I had heard it before today, but my goddd, it's so good. I partly keep watching this video just so I can hear the song, too.

sweet disposition

never too soon

oh, reckless abandon

like no one's watching you

a moment

a love

a dream

a laugh

a kiss, a cry

our rights

our wrongs

a moment, a love

a dream, a laugh

a moment

a love

a dream

a laugh

just stay there 'cause i'll be coming over

and while our blood's still young

it's so young it runs

and we won't stop 'til it's over

won't stop to surrender

songs of desperation

i played them for you

a moment

a love

a dream

a laugh

a kiss, a cry

our rights, our wrongs

(won't stop 'til it's over)

a moment, a love

a dream

a laugh

a moment, a love

(won't stop to surrender)

...

Weddings are just so beautiful, so full of bliss and promise for the future, blind to any trouble. I love that.

things that (always) make me happy

My friends being trashclasstastic always brightens my day. Kisses!

and somehow my tongue's tied

oh, i feel so tired
i cannot hardly keep open my eyes
my thoughts are scattered & i cannot say a word
and i can't seem to remember anything i've learned

well, do you have some of those days
when you can't be who you wanna be?
when you just need to close your eyes
pull the covers up so high and drift away?

and sleep
so soundly
and dream profoundly
cast all your cares on the only thing that you really need
and sleep so soundly

now i feel so light
my sense of movement's slowed
and somehow my tongue's tied
my thoughts are shattered & they're making stars in the sky
and i've never felt so speechless in my life

well, do you have some of those days
when you just need to be?
when you just need to shut your mouth
and close your eyes
breathe in & out
and drift away?

and sleep so soundly
just dream profoundly
cast all your cares on the only thing that you really need
and sleep so soundly

never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way

I'm watching Under the Tuscan Sun for the second time today.

This is most likely a result of boredom and my obsession with watching movies that bum me out (although I will admit that Under the Tuscan Sun is certainly more uplifting than The Last Kiss, my usual go-to sure-to-bum-you-the-hell-out movie). Watching Diane Lane find new life in Tuscany has shown me that the cure for depression is going on a gay bus tour of Italy. I'll keep that in mind.

Over the weekend Mitch and I attended his cousin's wedding (beautiful),



spent time at my family reunion (overwhelming), visited Mitch's grandfather in the hospital (sweet), and witnessed my cousin's baby be baptised (exciting).


Needless to say, it was a weekend full of family, both mine and Mitchell's, and I'm still struck by how much I love them all. Now that Monday's nearly upon me, I'm not sure how to proceed with my week. I'm growing more and more discouraged with finding a teaching job for the fall. Every day that goes by, I feel my chances are shrinking and the few jobs that are actually available are being snatched up in every passing second. What will become of me come August? I sure as hell don't know.

What's funny is that although I have no job, no money, and no prospects...I'm so supremely happy in other areas of my life that I am able to have hope for the future. Well, most days. Most days I am able to have hope. And on the days I am unable...well, those are the days I sleep late. Take naps. Watch premium cable. And fluctuate between my desire to be thin and my desire to eat three hundred Brownie Bites. Life's full of tough choices.

Honestly, tomorrow already feels like it has the potential to be one of those hopeless Law-&-Order-SVU-marathon-Brownie-Bites kind of days. But I'm not ready to give up before it already starts.

Here's to a hopeful, productive Monday. :)

sparks

But I promise you this: I'll always look out for you

That's what I'll do

I'll say, "oh"

I'll say, "oh"

My heart is yours

It's you that I hold on to

That's what I do

And I know I've been wrong, but I won't let you down

...

During the very long (seven and a half hours, to be precise) drive home from Rockport yesterday, I listened to a lot of Pandora radio via my iPhone. Coldplay's Sparks came on twice. It always reminds me of Wedding Crashers when Rachel McAdams tip-toes down the hall to Owen Wilson's room and waits outside his door, but it also reminds me of weddings in general for some reason. Every time to music starts up I can't help but picture a sweet couple, very much in love, swaying romantically back and forth.