all-talk

It's finally here, y'all.

MY DAY OFF.

And oh goodness, I had such plans in my mind for this day. I was all, First I'll sleep in past 6 and then go for a run, and then I'll shower and go to the Flag Day celebration on Main Street (cute, right?!) and then maybe I'll go swimming and clean my room AND vacuum!

Puh-lease.

I know it's only 10am, but so far all I've done is put on my swimsuit, eat mini Reese's peanut butter cups, sit on my couch and cry while looking at wedding pictures on Facebook.


Productivity.

Uh-oh, does that mean I have wedding fever again?

My bad.

And now I feel so lazy that I'm going to drag myself off this couch, consider showering but then decide to skip it, and go to this adorable little Flag Day thing. By myself, but whatever. Why not, right?

Happy Tuesday, dudes!


PS: In related I'm-all-talk news, I'm a pussy and had all of ONE beer this weekend. Wtf? WHO AM I?

a collection of facts & feelings: june

Today I’m linking up with my sweet and wonderful friend Joelle over at Where We Love is Home for Happy Hour (because it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, thank God). And all I’m going to say on that note is:

a. you should really take a gander at her blog because it’s adorable, and so is Joelle
b. this weekend (when not working) I feel like I’ll be drinking one thousand cocktails and beers and bottles of wine – whatever, just bring on the booze; it’s been a hell of a week





Anyway.

Moving on.

It’s been an interesting week, my first as a summer camp counselor at the Grapevine Rec and so far I’d say the best (read: most awkward) part is working with a guy I graduated high school with because neither of us have acknowledged it. Neat-o!

I’ve been invited to zero weddings this summer. Am I really that unpopular? Well, all right.

A couple weeks ago Mitch’s mom threw him a grad party which basically meant that I ignored most people and played Presidents & Assholes on the couch the entire time (but not alone, it’s fine) while drinking twelve-ish beers. That’s a good way to feel bloated for two days, in case y’all were wondering.

Mitch's stupid eyes ruin everything.

And on that note, I know I said Apples to Apples is the greatest game of all time (and it is), but it should also be said that Presidents & Assholes is the greatest DRINKING game of all time (and it is). Seriously, have you ever played? Do it. It reminds me of summertime, which is wonderful, but it specifically reminds me of last summer, ie. The Summer We Played Presidents & Assholes Absolutely Everywhere To The Point That We Started Carrying Decks of Cards on Us at All Times I’m Not Kidding. We played with friends. We played at family gatherings. We played at The Chicken. We played at weddings. I can only hope that Summer 2011 is as President-y & Asshole-y.

In a nutshell.

Once again, moving on.

Midnight is Paris (starring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, and a shit-ton of other people) is fantastic and totally worth seeing in theaters. I highly recommend it.

I’ve been seeing this app for awhile and, y’all, I think it’s getting pretty serious. I’d like to take this moment to profess publically: I love you, Instagram. Will you marry me and be my favorite app forever? (update: it said yes!)

Pete has gone an entire month without eating my clothes (knock on wood). I feel like this would be cause for celebration, except he’s actually just moved on to things like stairs and electrical wires.

Sidenote: besides chewing shit up, his new favorite hobby is chasing butterflies. CHASING BUTTERFLIES. I’ll try to take a video.

Not liking iced tea makes me feel absolutely positively un-southern, not to mention un-Texan. This is only amplified in the summer months. Ugh. What is wrong with me?

Not recommended: bursting into tears when your dental hygienist innocently & cheerfully asks how you're doing. She'll get really uncomfortable. And so will you. (update: seriously, I'm fine, it was just a bad day and, surprise!, I'm not great at controlling my emotions)

Also not recommended: eating two-day old chocolate chip cookies found on the bathroom counter when you wake up at 1am and can't go back to sleep. It won't cure your insomnia, but it will make you feel like a fatass.

And I just noticed how many browser tabs I have open right now. It drives Mitch crazy when I have up more than four (why? I don't know), but whatever because I'm sitting at thirteen right now.

YOU'RE MIND JUST GOT BLOWN, MITCH BAKER.


Happy freakin' weekend, y'all! I hope everyone has some really exciting plans to blow off steam from the week. Me? I'll be working, but that doesn't mean I won't have a little time off to go see a band play in Dallas on Saturday night with my main squeeze. Other than that, it's back to the grind until Tuesday (my first day off in eleven days! whoooooop!).

chasing pavements

About a week ago, I got a second job.

It’s the thing I’ve been avoiding ever since I moved back home nineteen months ago (oh god, NINETEEN MONTHS AGO I MOVED BACK HOME someone please kill me slash sorry, Mom and Dad). I’ve tried to make it photographing and subbing but since both of those are seasonal, I knew that when summer hit things were going to be a bit, ahem, tight. After my Thursday morning orientation as a summer counselor, I realized that only working camp wasn’t going to be enough.

So I tucked my tail between my legs.

And drove to Sonic.

And asked for my old job back.

I tried to promise myself when I graduated that no matter what happened, I wouldn’t go back. It’s not that it’s a bad job – it’s just, it’s the job I had in high school. I’m supposed to be better than that now, right? I have a degree from an incredible university. Shouldn’t that be enough to keep me out of fast-food?

Turns out it’s not.

And I’m trying to be okay with that.

I woke up Friday morning with Adele’s Chasing Pavements randomly playing over and over and over in my head. The lyrics made (and still make) me wonder, should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if leads nowhere? Trying to be a teacher for almost two years now, trying to just get by in the meantime by subbing and working summer jobs, trying to wait it out so I don’t have to give up on my dream…is it stupid? Am I being stupid?


via

Some days (okay, most days) I feel the pressure to “grow up” and get a “proper” job. I feel like a bum, a loser substitute who’s just not good enough to be a “real” teacher. I feel like I should take a job with a salary, with benefits, with 9 to 5 hours so I can be like my friends, so I can get my own place, so I can be, well, “normal.”

But I’m just not a desk job kind of girl.

The thought of working in an office makes me (metaphorically) break out into hives. And okay, sure, maybe I’m a little gun-shy about offices and cubicles and fluorescent lighting because my first “grown up job” was such a fucking nightmare, but I don’t think that’s just it. I think that in general, it’s just not for me. I need to be mentally engaged, physically active, up & walking around, talking to people, doing something new every day.

Does that make me flighty?

Or free-spirited?

Lazy? Or dynamic?

All I know is I can’t lead a life crunching numbers or filing faxes or taking memos. And I’d rather be somewhat unhappy with where I live and happy with my work than happy with where I live and miserable forty hours a week.

So because I gave up an interview for a “proper" job and instead found myself face-to-face with a summer position that’s turned out to be part-time, I had to swallow my pride and go back to the basics. My roots, you might say. And you know what? It’s not so bad. I felt weird walking back into the store after a five year hiatus and it’s sort of strange not knowing most of the girls who work there now, but it also kind of feels like home. It feels like a job I can do (and do well) because it is. Yea, that’s right: I kind of kick ass at Sonic-ing.

JUST LOOK AT HOME CUTE I AM IN MY POLO.


See? I’m trying to focus on the whole gotta-make-that-dolla aspect of the situation as opposed to obsessing over the fact that I’m 24 and working at the same job I did at 16. Yikes.

And while I’ve mentioned before how much I sucked (read: was ugly and judgmental) in those days, I do feel a little like sixteen-year-old me again, meaning I should probably call up my high school boyfriend so we can awkwardly make out in his bunk bed or the back of his ’98 Ford Explorer. I’m sure his wife won’t mind.

Good times.

But back to my original question: am I kidding myself with pursuing a career in education? To be honest, my gut tells me I probably am. My gut tells me it’s going to be years before education is back to a place where alternatively certified teachers (like me) have a better shot at being hired. But (and get ready for some grade A cheese, y’all) my heart just won’t let me let go. I feel like a teacher even though I’m not employed as one, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have something of value to bring to kids.

So.

Do I struggle in the meantime, sacrifice my wants, and ultimately continue to put my life on hold, waiting for the right school, the right principal, the right students to take a chance on me, whenever that may be?

Or am I just chasing pavements?

can't stop, won't stop: june (featuring the music of summer 2009)

In honor of summer (SUMMER!!), I decided to break from my normal format and instead do a flashback can’t stop/won’t stop featuring my favorite playlists of summers past. I’m also just feeling nostalgic (summer always has that affect on me) and wanted to indulge myself in a walk down memory lane.


First up, I present to you my Summer of 2009 Playlist:

• Love Game by Lady Gaga
• 3OH!3’s entire album, Want (but specifically Don’t Trust Me, I’m Not Your Boyfriend, Baby, and Richman*)
• Fireflies by Owl City (and, in fact, all of Owl City's Ocean Eyes album...IT'S FINE)
• Digital by T-Pain (“I don’t even care that he lives in a voicebox!”- Mitch Baker)
• Waking Up in Vegas by Katy Perry
• Hotel Room Service by Pitbull
• Birthday Sex by Jeremih (in honor of Mitch’s 21st, ie. a mostly-hilarious night for everyone involved, but less so for me as I was busy cleaning up vomit and assuring Mitch that he “didn’t do a bad job on his birthday” while he kept screaming, WHO DID THIS TO ME?!) (and later, very sadly, “…I did this to me…”)
• Sweet Pea by Amos Lee
• I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas (ughhhh I HATE this song now)
• Fire Burning by Sean Kingston (this is shameful, but true)
• Punk Goes Pop volume 2 (specifically Breathe Carolina’s cover of See You Again and The Cab’s cover of Disturbia)
  

Post-one million shots, pre-vomit.

Summer 2009 was a big one for me. It was my last summer as a college student, the summer I got Clark Kent, the summer I ran and didn’t hate it, the summer I drove down to Nacogdoches every other weekend, the summer I drove all the way to Arkansas just to see finally Relient K live, the summer of Daisy Dukes and dollar drinks and drunk make outs BECAUSE it was my last summer as a college student. It was the first summer Mitch and I spent together, the first time we drove to Houston for Free Press Summer Fest, the first time I really like-liked someone after thinking I’d never like-like anyone ever again.

PUPPY! :)

It’s the summer I came back to life.

I’ve mentioned before that I had a particularly difficult time after a break up, way back in the spring of 2009. Truth be told, it’s probably the lowest I’ve ever been in my entire life, and God, I hope the lowest I’ll ever feel. I definitely don’t want to go back to that place. Anyone who suffers from depression can attest to how hopeless you feel, like you will literally never be able to crawl out of bed, like you’ll never be happy again. I had stopped going to work. I dropped two classes and failed one. I no longer answered my phone. I regularly slept fifteen hours at a time. I spent every second possible in the solace of my room, feeling lost and inconsolable.

When I did go out, I tried to prove to myself and everyone else that I was fine by laughing too loud, drinking too much and generally pretending I didn’t give a shit about anything, least of all my broken heart.

I was, in a word, a mess.

But with summer came sunshine and a new beginning.

July 4th, 2009. Go Rangers!

It brought my friend Mitch who emailed me daily with work-out regimes and words of encouragement. It brought Clark, the world’s sweetest puppy, who gave me something to look after and someone to come home to. Summer brought a new will to live and the realization that this sorrow wouldn’t be forever. Summer brought a time of tentative happiness as I slowly but surely crawled out of my cave and faced the real world again, this time stronger and more self-assured than before. It wasn’t instant, but it was lasting.

I was back, baby.

Thank you, summer 2009. Thank you to the friends and wonderful times that made it what it was. It’s a time I always treasure, and I’m so grateful I lived to see that.

Impromptu library workers party. We like books!

Join me next month for can’t stop, won’t stop: july where I’ll feature my summer 2010 playlist. Whoop! :)



*Richman is one of my favorite songs of all time. IT GOES SO HARD. Listen to it now, please & thanks.

nothing says "celebration" like throwin' bows

It’s graduation season, y’all, which means I can’t seem to stop sitting in arenas and special events centers for hours at a time. And last night I found myself once again surrounded by hundreds of people and mortar boards out the yin-yang as Mitch’s little sister, Morgan, graduated from high school.

Yay.

No, seriously, it’s awesome and congratulations and all that crap. Too bad the only thing anyone will ever remember about the ceremony is the highly-inappropriate fist-fight that broke out (a mere three rows behind me).

Say whaaaat?

Yes, a real fist-fight. Between two DADS.

pictured: a pretty accurate portrayl

Classy, right? One minute we’re all sitting quietly, wishing the seniors would hurry the hell up already so we can get out of here before 11, and the next everyone’s turned around, open-mouthed and staring as two families, one black and one white, struggle to keep their dads from engaging in an embarrassing situation. They were, sadly, too late. EVERYONE was looking. People were still receiving their diplomas and all the while, you’ve got two men in the stands, screaming at each other and throwing punches. The graduates on the floor STOOD UP AND CHEERED (wow). Finally security was called and both men were hauled the fuck out. How’s that for adorable? Sorry for missing your graduation, Cindy. I was, uh, busy…

A million bucks says it started with a racist comment (I would literally bet my life on it) because, c’mon, this was a Forney event and Forney has its fair share of rednecks. My only regret is that I was so fascinated by the scene that I didn’t even think to take a picture. DAMNIT.

Moral of the story: if you attend a graduation ceremony for a Small-ish Town, USA high school, you just might witness an interracial altercation. Boom.

Oh, and because the whole thing was supposed to be about Morgan, here are a couple pictures that actually have to do with graduation:


Morgan's somewhere on the front row, near the middle. Promise.

Morgan (on the left) and some friend of hers, right before walking across the stage.

Happy graduation, Morgan!

It was, um, eventful.

for kelley

A week-ish ago, one of my very best friends, Kelley, turned 24.

DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE

I'm awful because I didn't make time (here) to recognize it, but I'm making up for it now even though I'm 99% certain she doesn't even read this blog. It's okay. It's the thought that counts.

Dancing (like sluts) to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" (obvi) at MSC Hospitality's semi-formal, 2008.

Kelley and I became friends way back during the summer after my freshman year of college. I was in the middle of transferring to Texas A&M and busy buddy-ing up to my new BFF Kristin when I met this gem of a lady. They were counselors in Fish Camp together (and so cool I could barely stand it) and, oh my, I was so intimidated. Just look at her! She's so cute! And funny (although I guess it might be hard to tell THAT from just a picture)! And she dances like a black girl!

Am I allowed to say things like that?

Y'all know what I mean.

BTHO t.u., 2009.

It actually look us a little time to become close, probably because we were both friends with Kristin and there's always going to be some rivalry in that situation. I'm so happy it didn't last long, though, because by our sophomore year I really considered her one of my best friends and have ever since. Kelley's one of the sweetest, most precious people you'll ever meet. She's a wiz in the kitchen, craftsy & handy with just about anything from making pillowcases out of cloth napkins to scrapbooking, and really just a genuinely kind person. I love her more than I can ever truly express.

In College Station for May graduations, 2010.

So today (and this post!) is for you, Kelley. I miss you, but I'm proud of you for working so hard in Austin. Your never-ending optimism (even when you're sad!) inspires me. I'm sorry this isn't appearing your birthday as it should have, but all the same, I love you and I hope today is better than the 18th, meaning I hope some kid doesn't poop his pants again. That sucked.


PS: I really wanted to embarrass you but then realized I don't, in fact, have a copy of that picture of you drunk crawling on your hands & knees through the streets of Italy. You know, the one where you can see totally down your dress? Man. That would have been neat..

land of the free because of the brave

Nothing says America like the Constitution, Ol' Glory, bald eagles and Clark Kent.


I just wanted to stop and wish everyone a happy Memorial Day. Three day weekends and BBQs aside, I hope we all take a second today to remember those brave men & women who have selflessly given their lives for our own. Thank you. :)