The past 24-hour period has been strange, to say the least.
First Mitchell and I saw a girl have a seizure while we were at lunch. And by "saw," I mean "the girl was laying on the ground at our feet while paramedics gave her CPR after she stopped breathing." It was scary and awkward. I just hate situations like that... Not just because they're awful, but also because I'm never sure how to react. We didn't want to be assholes and completely ignore what was happening, and at the same time, you don't want to be assholes and draw even more attention to the poor family who's scared and (possibly) embarrassed enough as it is. We compromised by sitting completely still and staring at each other, as opposed to eating or talking. Or breathing. Oh, and for the record, I think she was going to be just fine.
Later in the afternoon Mitch gets the terrible phone call letting him know his grandmother passed away. She'd been having some minor health problems in the past few months but nothing life-threatening, so her passing was a complete shock. Again...an awkward situation for me to be in... Tangent: I've always considered myself a very sensitive, deep girl who embraces personal intimacy with friends, family, etc., but in the past couple years I've realized how much deep, serious moments scare the fuck out of me. Turns out I don't handle them well in that, surprise surprise, I'm hella awkward. End tangent. So anyway, I had to wait with Mitch while he broke the news to his mom and sister, and it was just so sad.
The cherry on top of an already unlucky day was that I'd been feeling sick since right after lunch. Just general nausea... I assumed I ate to much since, well, I tend to do that. I love food. It's fine. However, this time around it wasn't fine and I've since spent the past day alternating between a. puking my guts up, b. enjoying my 101 degree fever, and c. fitfully dreaming about POs & invoice numbers. Loverrrly.
Needless to say, Sunday wasn't the best. And Monday hasn't been too swell either.
Besides just physical unrest, I'm not going to lie...the past couple weeks have been difficult ones. It's been a struggle to remain positive and remind myself of all I have to be grateful for (which is terrible sounding, I know, when my life really is truly blessed). I have fantastic parents who not only let me live at home rent-free (not my dream, but again...it's FREE) but also support me in whatever it is I find I want to do. I was fortunate enough to land a job after only three weeks of searching and, while it's not anything I'm remotely interested in pursuing, it's enabled me to completely pay off my credit card and begin putting money into savings. I have friends, more far than near; but regardless, people that love me and make me laugh. My dog kicks ass and never ceases to provide much-needed comfort at the end of stressful days. I'm young, I'm (moderately, ha) healthy, and I'm not living on the streets. It would be wrong to complain, and I am overcome with guilt whenever I've allowed myself to lapse into a wallowing pool of self-pity. Don't I realize my life could be exponentially worse?
The majority of my frustrations stem from my charming impatience. It's frustrating applying for jobs and hearing nothing back. It's frustrating living at home and having no idea when I'll be able to afford a place of my own. It's frustrating being in Dallas when all my friends are in Austin and Houston. It's frustrating doing a job I have no passion for. It's all so frustrating because life's not easy. But it's good. Life is so very good, friends.
I know the world is bigger than me, bigger than Grapevine, bigger than accounts receivable, bigger than living out of a suitcase, bigger than late fees, bigger than morning traffic. It's a constant battle to remind myself of that, but I can't lose hope and I can't lose sight of the beautiful things.
PS: Please keep the Baker family in your prayers during this sad time.
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